Defining and Adapting Your Leadership Style | HBR IdeaCast | Podcast

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CURT NICKISCH: Welcome to the HBR IdeaCast

from Harvard Business Review.

I'm Curt Nickisch.

There's a roadblock many people run into at work.

They get the feedback that they're not

ready for a promotion or a new project,

and when they ask why, no one puts a finger on it.

They're missing a certain something-- something

intangible which, to be honest, is not very helpful.

But it's common that when it comes to leadership,

to identify leaders, that it's a bit squishy.

For too many superiors, leadership is a vibe

that someone gives off, and some people show it much better

than others.

Our guest today has some advice for this situation.

How to know your own leadership style, how to

understand how others see it or don't, and then

how to change your behavior so that you can break through

to the next level.

Suzanne Peterson is an associate professor

of leadership at the Thunderbird School of Global Management

at Arizona State University.

She's also a partner at the consultancy CRA,

and she's the coauthor with Robin Abramson and RK Stutman

of the HBR article "How to Develop Your Leadership Style--

Concrete Advice for a Squishy Challenge."

Suzanne, thanks for coming on the show.

SUZANNE PETERSON: Thanks so much for having me, Curt.

Happy to be here.

CURT NICKISCH: Does that situation I just described

sound familiar?

SUZANNE PETERSON: It absolutely does, and it truly

is a squishy challenge.

And I have to tell you, as much as this applies

to people at work, what we find is this is relevant to anybody.

I mean, whether you are trying to be more collaborative

with a team, whether you want to impress that new father-in-law,

whether you're trying to influence your spouse,

be more authoritative with your kids,

be a trusted friend, style matters,

and it tends to be something that we find people are

constantly trying to navigate.

But it isn't always at the level of awareness

of what am I doing or not doing that really

makes a difference in how I'm perceived.

CURT NICKISCH: It sounds like it's not only

your own awareness, but also the awareness of managers above you

is part of the problem.

SUZANNE PETERSON: It absolutely is.

And all too often, when we were talking to managers of people

we coach, and we simply say what's

the biggest challenge here, usually, we'll hear something

like, they're just not really ready yet to sit at the table.

They just don't quite have the gravitas,

they're not engaging enough, they're not charismatic enough,

they're not dynamic.

Or it can be another version of they're a little off-putting,

they haven't really figured out how

to manage the relationships, they're not politically savvy.

There's something that comes up, but when

it comes to actually delivering, say, a performance review,

they're not very good at actually saying,

let me tell you what it would look

like for you to be more influential

or for you to disagree a little differently than you do.

They simply give these large general

buckets that leave people feeling a little bit confused

in terms of, I understand what you mean,

but I don't know what to do on Monday.

And then the real problem is people,

when they're given this feedback of need to be more confident

or you need to be more assertive,

they take that as being personality.

And so it's very difficult to say--

maybe I can't change that, maybe I'm not confident,

maybe I'm not assertive, maybe I am a little too direct.

Whatever feedback I'm getting, we

read it as quite attributional.

Style and personality are not the same.

Personality is much more who you are-- largely unchangeable--

and style, on the other hand, is not personality.

It's a set of behaviors, it's a set of habits,

it's what you do.

So the quickest thing we come to when we talk to a manager

or somebody that we're coaching--

and we say, people really find you arrogant.

Well, frankly, we don't care so much

whether the person is or isn't arrogant by personality.

Instead, what we're looking at is, well,

what are the behaviors that equal arrogance?

CURT NICKISCH: So when the managers say,

you're putting off these attributions,

and they say not confident, what are the behaviors that

are leading to the manager or supervisor having that opinion

or giving that attribution?

Like, what are they seeing?

SUZANNE PETERSON: Yeah, the biggest ones usually we

will hear when we get indicators is that people will fall

into one of one of two buckets.

They either are giving off what we call the power behaviors

or they're giving off what we call the attractive behaviors.

Now, neither one is good or bad.

The idea is the power behaviors in the positive

is when you get these attributions

of dynamic, charismatic, confident, commanding,

an expert, articulate, easy to listen to, influential.

But on the downside, that power style sometimes

is intimidating, aggressive, off-putting, cold,

not-relational.

Sometimes, when someone's in a meeting,

they say, wow, that person is very abrasive.

What we'll find is they'll say, well, I'm just direct.

But actually, it's really that they--

not that they were direct or had a comment

that disagreed but they disagreed

in a very disagreeable way.

They interrupted the person maybe not once,

but two or three times.

Two, they pretty much said you're wrong and I'm right.

That's what made them abrasive, not the fact that they

disagreed.

But on this whole other side of the spectrum

are these attractive markers as well,

which those attributions are passive,

quiet, deferential, nice, easy to talk to,

great mentor, great teammate, collaborator.

All good stuff.

But on the downside, sometimes, it

was all the things around weak, too passive, too deferential,

not really a leader, doesn't have gravitas,

doesn't get listened to, too detail-oriented, too many

qualifiers in their statements, too many umms

and uhs when they speak, and this hurt them a little bit.

So we all have the ability to go one side or the other.

It just depends how and when they're used.

CURT NICKISCH: And where do most people who

are at that juncture, where they become technically

competent or good at their jobs, and they

are looking to advance and gain more leadership and Influence

in their organizations-- where do their styles typically

hold them back?

Is it when people tend to have a more

attractive, approachable, likable style,

or is that just a nature of where

they are in their careers, and it's

difficult to get a more powerful style, or the other way around?

What's the common pathway here?

SUZANNE PETERSON: Yeah, I think it's a great question.

And certainly, context matters, culture matters, the industry

matters in terms of what's more perpetuated as a style that

works.

What works in the finance industry

might not work in the tech industry or the fashion

industry.

But to your point, what we find--

if I can tell you which one's easier,

we clearly find that it is a little bit easier

to coach people to go from a powerful style

to an attractive style.

So easier to get somebody who might be a little too abrasive,

too difficult to get along with, too dominant,

whatever the attribution is-- easier

to give them tools to lean more attractive

than it is to give people who naturally

lean a little bit more attractive to get

them to move up to power.

Certainly not impossible.

We do it all the time with people,

but that's a little harder.

But I think to answer your question more directly,

probably when we see somebody get

a little bit stuck in their career,

it's more often the lean attractive.

CURT NICKISCH: Yeah, and then the reaction

for a lot of people is to try to take charge or take ownership

of a project, and they think that leadership is authority.

And as they adopt a more powerful stance,

they often get pushback for that that often works against them.

SUZANNE PETERSON: Yeah, and it's a classic over-rotation.

Style with very minor tweaks can make big differences.

So usually, when we do-- and we have so many clients

that really want to listen and want to take the advice.

And what they'll do is, if we tell-- and this

is an example recently.

I'm working with someone who needs to lean a little bit more

powerfully to get listened to.

And I go to him and I say, here's

two or three things you can do.

Well, he, instead of doing two or three things,

does five or six of them.

So now, he's starting the conversation,

he's interrupting during the conversation,

he's raising his hand on their video conference every 5

seconds--

CURT NICKISCH: Sitting at the head of the table and-- yeah.

SUZANNE PETERSON: --right-- making intense eye contact.

He understood the behaviors and said, I get it--

I need to make a few tweaks and changes.

But we're always backing off, saying,

you know what-- not that much.

Really, one or two would have been fine.

It's just a slight flex.

We want you to flex your style.

We're not trying to change anybody.

We need people to all be very authentic to who they are,

but we all have range.

And as soon as we find somebody's range and say,

we think your range from going powerful to attractive

is about here, stay within your range,

and it's all very authentic.

CURT NICKISCH: Yeah, I was going to say, this feels like--

for a lot of people, it feels like they've already

set a precedent at their job and they're known in a certain way,

and that to change might feel foreign at some point

or inauthentic, like you're not really

being yourself or at least the work-self

that you've created in the culture of your organization

and in your experience there.

SUZANNE PETERSON: We're all changing our style

all the time.

Most of us understand that how you behave at a Happy Hour

is a little different than a board meeting--

that there's a natural flex without becoming

a different person.

But the example I like to use is imagine you're on an airplane.

I remember when we all used to do that a little more.

You'd go on an airplane, and let's say

you were trying to put your bag in the overhead compartment,

and it's all full.

It's full-- you were too late on the plane-- you don't know

where you're going to put your bag-- you don't really

want to check it.

And you notice that the person sitting in the rows with you,

they just put some things up--

like a really small purse or bag.

There's their food up there, a hat.

What would you do naturally?

Are you the type that's going to move people's stuff around

and put your bag up there?

Are you going to ask people, would you

mind putting that under the seat so I could put my bag up there?

Or are you a person naturally who's going to say, I'm just--

I wouldn't interrupt people and tell

them to move their things--

I would never touch other people's things.

I'll ask the flight attendant to help

or I'll just check my bag and deal with it.

No right or wrong here.

We have a natural place.

But let's assume that that person whose stuff

was in the overhead that had the food, and the bag,

and the small hat or whatever was a 17-year-old

with headphones sitting there.

Would you be more apt to go to that 17-year-old?

And most people, even if they originally said without context

that I wouldn't move people's things, say, well, maybe if it

was a 17-year-old, I would.

Well, what if instead it happened to be your CEO?

Are you still going to go to the CEO

and say, hey, would you mind moving your hat?

Most people would go, probably not.

If I'm going to sit next to my CEO on the ride,

I probably don't want the first conversation

to be me moving his stuff around or her stuff around.

So the point is, it's based on resources.

When we feel resourceful, we behave more powerfully.

So we're changing it all the time.

I want you to think more specifically

in every situation you go into, how do you want to be seen?

CURT NICKISCH: It sounds like this is a process.

It's not really changing your style overnight,

but it's trying some things on, seeing how they perform,

and really trying to work towards something

rather than really just flip a switch, so to speak.

What do you tell people about this journey?

What should they expect?

SUZANNE PETERSON: Usually, what we tell people, first of all,

is make small changes.

So don't try and do too much.

Sometimes, one or two of these markers as we look through

the list-- it's even in the article--

picking one or two things is plenty for you

to start to change perceptions.

And two, we tell people, don't get so

wrapped up in how you feel.

Focus more on the behavior.

Sometimes, frankly, we're going to go into situations

and say I do not feel confident.

But the question is, I really don't want people to know that,

so what can I do that shows confidence, that

has me behave more confidently?

And the idea is those emotions catch up with the behavior.

When I give a presentation, for example,

there's no way 100% of the time you're going to feel confident.

But if I walk out there looking down,

my shoulders down, I can't look at the audience--

I start out and say, so glad to be here, but I--

and thank you-- and I sound tentative,

I've already maybe lost that audience.

So if I think, let's see--

I need to go out there, I need really good posture,

I need to look the audience in the eye-- it

doesn't mean it's always easy.

But I go out there, and I need a strong two-minute start,

where I'm able to say, here's three or four things I'm going

to talk to you about today that are going to fundamentally

change your leadership, for example--

now, I have the audience's attention,

which then begins to give me some confidence, for example.

And now, I say, actually, I'm OK.

Gosh, any of us that are parents out there--

anybody who is, we do this with our kids.

Sometimes, we can't be the authoritarian and an

authoritative style every time.

And eventually, it's like, yeah, you're a dictator.

But we also can't--

we feel we can't be open, and diplomatic,

and whatever you want, and be your best friend,

but sometimes, saying, gosh, my child

is going through something tough--

how do I want to be perceived today?

I want to be perceived as a great listener.

And the next day, I need to be perceived

as the authority that's going to say that behavior is not OK.

So it changes if you flex it.

If not, we get attributions as parents too-- you're this.

And people that flex more don't get those same attributions.

They're more strategic with their style.

CURT NICKISCH: What about for women or people of color?

How do they need to think about this differently?

The research on the double bind for women, for instance,

is really clear--

that they have to show warmth and competence.

So it feels like the flex you're talking about

is already built into that double bind that they have.

How does this thinking change if you're

approaching this problem as a woman or as a person of color?

SUZANNE PETERSON: Yeah, it's a big issue and one we get

asked a lot.

First of all, style does apply to everybody.

In many cases-- I mean, we work with just as many men

on their style as women or people of color.

But make no mistake, it can be a little tougher

in those areas because of the fact-- if we just take women,

for example, there is a natural trade-off.

The research is clear that the more successful

that women become, their likeability factor often

goes down.

Somehow, we aren't rooting for the successful woman.

The comments are, ugh, who does she think she is?

Ugh, she's so-- or gosh, she's abrasive,

she's difficult-- wouldn't want to be with her in the meeting.

And there's a level of-- it's harder

for women, in many cases, to shoot to that middle ground.

So we don't shy away from it.

We're not going to fix all biases and problems,

but we are telling women to be careful a little bit more

so just so that they can still be absolutely who they are.

But we want them to bring their strength as a leader--

not have it be framed as, ugh, that woman leader.

We want it to just be as a leader.

So what we might say is, absolutely, you

need to disagree, you need to be able to negotiate hard

for your promotions or your compensation.

We would never tell them to stand down,

but we might say even more important that you disagree

a certain way, even more important

that you really show and engage in the warmth side of things

so that when you go powerful, you show balance.

Or if it's the opposite side, you're

very warm, you're very engaging, people love being around you,

but interesting how you're never invited to those two and three

person meetings on the management team.

They tend to happen without you.

How do you step into that without calling them out

and be considered abrasive?

But how do you naturally make sure you're not excluded?

So we will say the problem's the same for everybody,

but that certainly, it's highlighted a little bit more

when women or people of color don't tend

to display the same traits.

Or-- really, my favorite one-- and this one,

most of us can relate to--

it's how a woman will be labeled emotional.

Like, you're a little emotional--

that person's emotional-- she's drama,

but the man is just intense.

He's intense, he's dedicated, he's passionate.

It's really the same behavior read a little differently,

perhaps because of gender.

And that's usually the thing to overcome,

is to say, hey, I don't know if we can fix that today,

but what we can fix is let's don't

have be read as emotional, but let's

have you get your point across, and let's help you do that.

CURT NICKISCH: How does the pandemic change all of this?

I just think about so many people now working from home,

so they are connecting with their managers

over video conference.

SUZANNE PETERSON: Right, and it's true.

What does your style look like virtually?

Does it translate virtually?

Does-- this idea of how do you lean powerfully

in a virtual environment, how do you

lean more attractive in a virtual environment?

And a woman I was talking to, she, in the background,

happened to have-- which was probably one of her children's,

but it was a cereal bowl, but the angle of her camera,

it was like Fruit Loops or something

like that that was just sitting there with the spoon in there.

And the whole time I'm listening to her, and she's brilliant,

and all I can look at is the cereal bowl.

CURT NICKISCH: It's like a newscaster

when they have a crooked tie.

You kind of lose track of what the news is.

SUZANNE PETERSON: Totally-- yeah, you just can't help it.

And so, clearly, she probably didn't mean for that one.

But by the way, sometimes, what you want is to say,

listen, I'm this powerful and strong leader,

and sometimes, you don't see me that warm and engaging.

And I'm OK that my dog is going to sit on my lap for a second,

and there's a cereal bowl, and my kids

artwork on the background.

Maybe that's exactly what you need to draw people in.

These are all style pieces.

And there's a level of normality,

but there is-- still, when you go and get on video

and you say, how do I want to show up?

Gosh, am I trying to be deeply accessible and warm,

and hey, life's a mess today?

Well, then go for it.

Or are you actually trying to say, listen,

I made this meeting very important.

I dressed for the occasion, I made

sure the background and the lighting

was right because I'm projecting something else.

CURT NICKISCH: Suzanne, who out there is somebody

that maybe a lot of listeners would have heard about

or know that you think really bridges this divide

between likeability, attractiveness,

and a powerful style really well?

SUZANNE PETERSON: I think Roger Federer, the famous tennis

player.

I-- not only are many people a fan of him because of his play,

but clearly, here, you have someone

who is deeply competent-- very confident.

He's formal in many ways, how he dresses.

His record is quite dominant.

He has an intensity when he plays, he's prepared,

he's disciplined.

All these seem to be power markers.

But on the other hand, so engaging

when he's interviewed, so humble, deeply appreciative,

likable, seems to be very honest with his feelings

when he's lost and how it's hurtful.

So he tends to be known as quite popular with so many.

And I think it's this combination

of great at his job, but also people really are drawn to him.

And many of his opponents don't necessarily have that feeling.

So he's one example that comes to mind.

The other might be a Jacinda Ardern, the prime minister

of New Zealand.

First of all, she's the youngest female world leader.

It was well publicized when she brought her young child

to the UN.

CURT NICKISCH: She was pregnant in office, right?

SUZANNE PETERSON: Pregnant in office--

there's pictures of her walking barefoot.

They call her out by her first name basis in her country,

so there's a lot of informality and warmth there.

But gosh, she's known for being very pointed,

she asks the tough questions.

If you watch her eye contact when she's speaking,

she displays a lot of competence.

Quite articulate, very--

I would say a lot of declarative statements.

So we could analyze her, but she's

one that comes to mind that seems

to play both sides of that coin as well.

So those are just some models that we happen

to think walk that line well.

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CURT NICKISCH: Well, Suzanne, thanks

so much for coming on the show to talk about your research

and to help people with this.

SUZANNE PETERSON: Thank you so much for having me.

It was a pleasure.

CURT NICKISCH: That's Suzanne Petersen.

She's an associate professor of leadership at Thunderbird

School of Global Management.

She also cowrote the article "How to Develop Your Leadership

Style--

Concrete Advice for a Squishy Challenge."

You can find it in the November-December 2020

issue of Harvard Business Review or at hbr.org.

This episode was produced by Mary Dooe.

We get technical help from Rob Eckhart.

Adam Buchholz is our audio product manager.

Thanks for listening to the broadcast.

I'm Curt Nickisch.

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