Como superar a dependência emocional | TEPM

How to overcome emotional dependency

[Music]

Emotional dependency is a

dysfunctional behavior where a

person places the

responsibility of fulfilling their own

needs in the hands of others. Pay close attention: they place the need and responsibility of fulfilling their own needs

in the hands of others. But this

goes far

beyond another person;

emotional dependency also involves things, it

also

involves

procedures, for example,

plastic surgery. A person who

becomes addicted to changing their

face, changing their body, has an

emotional dependency. Addiction itself,

excessive consumption, also has an emotional dependency. There are

women who are

addicted to, how to put it,

failing, making mistakes, not succeeding in

life because they validate, "Look, you

see, nothing happens for me,

everything goes

wrong." They end up becoming addicted to that

feeling and that action of... of the "Poor Little Thing."

Because if they put themselves in the "Poor Little Thing" role,

what

will they be seen as? I don't know if

you have ever encountered or gone through

this, but I have. I used to have this

dysfunctional pattern of the "Poor Little Thing." I felt the

need all the time to talk about...

My pain comes from constantly talking about my

difficulties. Ju, that's

my nickname, was Maria das Dores, right?

You already know my

story, imagine the various

panic attacks. I found it incredible that

there are women who become physically ill,

stuck in a dysfunctional loop all the

time due to

emotional dependence. So what

we have to look at is that

emotional dependence is a gap, a

void, and this person will fill

this gap, this

void, through their relationships with

other people, through things, through

food.

Here, compulsive eating also comes into play.

There are many women with

this dysfunction, all due to

emotional dependence. So, let's

look back a little. Does

this make sense to you? As you

know, every topic I bring up

here about dysfunction, about

dysfunctional behavior, about

illness, our perspective is a

deeper look at this

dysfunctional pattern, right? That's why we don't

judge people for

dysfunctional behavior

because we understand that that

dysfunctional pattern, that behavior,

is just the tip of the iceberg, just branches

of a tree. We need to look at the

root. We need to look at...

This issue, we know there's

a story behind it:

emotional dependency. It brings with it

several dysfunctional behaviors.

Just look at that woman who's always

seeking validation—this is terrible.

I've been there too.

Just look at when I started recording videos

for social media. Don't do

this, for God's sake! I'm

already giving you strategies to

overcome emotional dependency.

Don't ask for

opinions from someone you already know

is critical, that

judges you. You already know what

's interesting here. I've been there,

my God,

with a family member. I

knew what she was like, I knew what

she said every time I

shared something new. But I felt the

need for validation from that person,

and when I

shared something, she already came with a

load of limiting beliefs,

negative thoughts, and information. It was like

a bucket of cold water. But I felt the

need to keep sharing

my news with that person. That

's

emotional dependency. And here, when you ask

someone for their opinion, you

open up a space and give permission

for them to... This person influences your

life, and here lies a great

danger because you suffer from

emotional dependency. If you're asking for

validation, pay attention: you suffer

from emotional dependency, you already have a

void within you. I know many of you

will identify with this. Do something,

send it to a friend, do something, send it

to the group, because we

experience this in our own

community when you start your

process. When you arrive at

this process in our community, I

see this happening a lot. What do

you think? It's the waiting for validation.

When we are in a safe

and welcoming environment like our community, it's

wonderful because there

we will have

information to

encourage us, we will have positive

and healthy information because everyone is in the same

process, everyone is there, in the same

direction and living the purpose. It's

different now when you talk to

someone who doesn't feel what you feel, who does

n't live what you live. Here, there is a

great

danger, and only someone with

emotional dependency does this; they have a void that needs to be

filled. How beautiful, Andressa! I found it incredible! Wonderful!

And that's what a woman

who suffers from emotional dependency

expects: the so-called praise. Oh my God,

no, no, don't do that! We're going to do it! In the

end, there's a process here, a technique,

a tool that you can

take into your daily lives.

This will be really great so you

can strengthen your emotional resources,

so you can have a

strengthened internal reference about who

you are. Because if you don't even know who you are,

anyone can affirm your

abilities, your competencies,

who

you are. There's a book called "The Four

Agreements." This book is

very interesting in terms of the

knowledge that is shared.

As you already know, I'm the one who believes

everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.

So there are some things in this book that

don't make sense to me, okay? But there are

many things that make a lot of sense

to me, and one of the agreements is:

don't take anything

personally. This is extremely important for us messengers.

You will only become a

facilitator of emotional self-healing in the

lives of other women if you

fill this existing gap first

within ourselves, then through ourselves. Isn't that right?

Because if you don't fill this

gap, this existing void, if you don't

nourish yourself, if you get out of this place of

emotional dependence, you won't be able to

deliver the message you have to

deliver. You won't be able to deliver

the... Your message, because you'll be afraid

of judgment, you'll be afraid of

criticism, then you'll seek validation and

you won't receive it, you won't

receive it. People aren't

prepared to encourage others.

Pay attention to our daily lives, our

routines. This is very difficult. Oh Ju, I

have it, I have it too, but it's very

difficult to find. Today I have it, but in the

beginning I didn't. It was very rare to have

someone say, "Ju, how wonderful! You're

going to become a

therapist! How

incredible, Juliana!" How so? You have a

good

job? How so?

You were hospitalized at the

Hospital de Base in São José do Rio Preto the other day, you

lived there, right, here at the

Hospital de Base, and now you're going to be a

therapist? How so? People

aren't prepared to

encourage others. It's sad, but it

's a reality, you know? Because most

people are frustrated,

most people are

emotionally

ill, most people are in

a place they don't want to

be. And then you go, in all

innocence, full of enthusiasm, full

of

spirit, all there, with so much

energy to

share about your purpose, about

the new things you're experiencing, about

your

transformation, but that person

isn't in the same place you are, and that's why

you need to understand... It's

all right, we have to respect

that person's state of consciousness.

Unfortunately, people really do

n't have the clarity that it's possible to

achieve self-healing.

Studying, training, and

professionalizing—all professionals,

everyone—has their challenges. Or do you

think a doctor is there at the

operating table totally 100% happy? Because

life is made of ups and downs, going through

difficulties, and even if you

achieve your emotional self-healing,

you will have your valleys, you

will have the desert. We will live

going through deserts. This is part of

our process here. Get out of this place of

thinking you're going to be

100%—you won't be. Now, you will be

much, much, much

better than many other people.

I can guarantee you that. You know why? Because

this message is alive, right? It's a message

that nourishes our being. Let's

talk about the TPM method here. Everything that is

shared with the TPM method, all

our knowledge, is

transformative, it's life, it's vital, and there's no

way you won't transform if you're truly drinking from this source,

going through this.

So

if you—and this is very

important—

drink from the

source, there is no

transformation, there is no emotional self-healing

without

it. And to do this, I... I do what I do, I take

action, I do what I do, I make a

move. There's no magic powder, there

's no magic. All healing, all transformation comes

from your action. You know what's beautiful? Jesus taught us

this clearly. Look at all the

healing stories in the Bible, look at

all the stories.

Everyone made an effort, everyone

made a movement. It gives you

goosebumps, everyone.

And the question is: What movement have

you been

making? What effort have you been

making?

Because I'm sitting here on my

couch

and things are going to happen, aren't they?

And you know what I think? I'm

serious, it really moves me, but I

understand what makes a woman

stagnate. I understand what makes a woman

stay in that place. It's a wounded child

inside. It's the woman who is in the

consciousness of the child. It's the child who

needs her parents to do

things for her. It's the child who

needs to go there, make the food,

mash the food and put it in her

mouth. It's the child who has this

need. And I'll tell you,

you have a voice. Make a movement, at least

to ask for

help, shout, cry out, call out, and it will

pass. This

process will do something for you,

because otherwise your life will pass you by, and it's not

fair. The topic is how to overcome

emotional dependency, and it's not

fair. It's not fair to your life, and it's not

fair to your family. It's not fair to

the women who are waiting for your service

because if you are here, it's because

this is also your purpose. It's not

fair to

humanity because when a woman heals,

generations heal with her.

You know how this affects me, and

my heart burns. I feel heat,

I feel heat. I'm here talking to

you, I feel heat because it burns

so much, it burns so strongly

when I know that there's one there, standing still,

while the bad ones rise,

the good ones are

sleeping. While the bad ones

are full of energy, strength,

determination, and

constancy, the good ones are fragile, insecure, and

malnourished. It's very incongruous, it's

incongruous. They are emotionally

dependent there. It's incongruous, it doesn't make

sense. I'm left without

understanding, for God's sake, what's

happening? What's blocking, you know, blocking the flow of...

God in a person's life is

actually a lid, it's

emotional dirt, it's limiting beliefs, it's not

believing you're capable, it's not

believing you're deserving, that's why

you live in

emotional dependency, because in your childhood you weren't

nourished

enough with the love you

expected. Actually, you may have been nourished,

but you didn't feel

nourished. There's something you'll

hear a lot, and those who suffer from PMS hear it: "I

needed to grow up to take care of

myself." And from the moment I

grew up to take care of myself,

I allowed myself to be nourished by the love

of my parents.

Emotional dependency is exactly that,

pay attention:

emotional dependency is

malnutrition. You are

malnourished, I am, look here,

you are

malnourished in

love, and this love comes from your parents,

especially your mother, who is our

main source of nourishment from the womb,

extending through breastfeeding. That's why I

say that when a woman heals,

generations heal with her. She is the

emotional pillar of the family, of any environment.

An emotionally ill woman in a

home brings the

house down, she destroys it. The family situation is a

fact,

unfortunately many women are in this

place because they don't seek help, because they do

n't seek

knowledge, because they don't look for

support, because they are afraid, because they are insecure, because they will be

criticized, because they will say it's a

lack of faith, because it's a lack of God.

But how can that be, Ju? I'm a Christian, I've been

hearing this so much, for God's sake!

I keep thinking, you know, how does God think about

life? The life you're having, yours,

just breathing like this, this

is the greatest

proof of love that God has for

us. Life is the greatest proof of love that

God has for

us, but it's

neglected, and unfortunately, because of

negligence,

you don't live the

wonders, the promise, the plan, you don't

live it because you don't

recognize it. That's exactly it. Don't blame yourself, don't

punish yourself, because God is there at every moment,

pouring blessings into your

life through your own life, through

your

breath. The problem is that you're not

feeling it, the problem is that you're not

seeing it. And then you're so focused, so focused

only on what you

lack. Look at the gap of emotional dependence,

there you are,

begging for people's attention. Hey, stop,

seek help, go back, go back

inside

yourself because it's

empty. And it's not because you're not

receiving it, it's not good that you're receiving it, it's that

you're not absorbing it,

you're not

feeling it. But everyone has a plan to

prosper, that's

clearly written. You're just not in that place

of prosperity and abundance because you

're not allowing yourself to feel all

those blessings, the main one being your

life, and emotional dependence prevents you from

feeling the feeling of

deserving, the feeling of

belonging. This is life,

prosperity is feeling, it's

emotional resources. Those who live in prosperity don't

have emotional dependence.

Emotional dependence is lack, it's a gap, it's

insufficiency, it's scarcity. Emotional dependence

is

scarcity. Look at

this: And because you feel a lack of

love, of nourishment, of affection, you go

looking for it in people, in things, in

material things. Then come the

addictions, then come the abusive relationships.

Then you think, "But I don't understand how

this woman is staying in this place,

suffering with this man. This man makes

her

suffer so much." It's because she suffers from

emotional dependence, it's because she's malnourished,

she doesn't have the strength to get out of this place.

The little she has, you know, that

little she receives in the

relationship is already keeping her alive,

surviving, at least here, at

least.

Just a little bit, just a little bit is okay. A

little bit, considering she could live an

abundant life, prosperous in her

relationship too, but it's because she has nothing,

she has nothing. If she already has a

little bit, no, it's not like that, it's not like that.

Oh, but she has a

little bit, at least she's not

alone, but she has a friend. At least

you're not

alone, but in a sick relationship, a

toxic relationship. And then,

emptiness, a void, and how to get out of that place? Ju,

I brought this up here, because I

couldn't leave this out, you know, I had to bring this up

for you. The first point is to

fill yourself, to fill yourself with

love, and that's where we talk about the famous

self-love,

right? First, you have to understand that

you are already loved, you are already accepted. You are

chosen, otherwise you wouldn't be here. It's

such a profound reflection, but so simple, and

maybe it might even be silly. So, stop and

reflect. What is the

conception process like? What is the

gestation process like? Look at this, there are several

videos on YouTube, take a

look. What did you need to overcome

to be here? Life is a miracle. What did

you

need? If you are not chosen, I don't

know what it is to be

chosen if you are not. My dear, I don't know

what it means to be allowed to

live. Does that make sense to you, or am I going

crazy?

And when you look deeply, you

know, some layers... we need to

look more deeply,

question,

question why I feel this way. It

starts to

fill in, first by

recognizing, recognizing, and thanking

life,

recognizing and thanking God for the

opportunity of

life. And then you begin to understand that

you needed to grow up to take care of

yourself because your parents perhaps didn't have

the necessary resources, because your parents

also didn't have love, affection, and care,

and that's why they didn't provide for

you. Or because, at that

stage, everything your parents

went through, they couldn't transmit

love to you the way they

wanted. Or perhaps you couldn't

really feel that love the

way it was, which is the

main thing. And you will

affirm to yourself every day that you recognize the

love of your parents the way it was. This

is an important point: we recognize the

love of God. Pay close attention, okay?

Pay close attention to this, because this

is the golden key: you recognize

the love of God in your life through the

recognition of the love of your parents,

especially your mother. Mom is what

gives us permission

here, right? It's the...

Mom gives us permission

to receive God's gift

because she could have simply

denied it because she felt afraid, insecure,

because she was sick, because she was

totally disconnected from

herself. If your relationship with your mother isn't

strong, it's obvious you'll

suffer from emotional dependence.

She didn't have that, Sandra. She is... she's... she's that

thing, the best she can

do, but she gave you the most

important thing: permission for life. That's

priceless, priceless. You have no idea

how liberating that is. I understand that

maybe in a few words here this doesn't

make sense in the way it needs to.

It requires a process, you know? It requires

a process. The TPM method is very much like that, it

's within a process. And each

session... just watch the study of the

consultation that happens every week where I

open the doors of the TPM community for

everyone to see how many

stories have been given new meaning, how many

women have been freed from

emotional prisons due to lack

of love, and managed to

fill themselves with the love of their parents in the way

that it was, managed to forgive, managed to

forgive themselves. It's a

process, this love... we have a...

Okay, so we have expectations,

right? We create expectations regarding

our

parents. Everything is a point of view, from where

you look.

I speak for

myself; my students know my

story, everything I lived through in childhood.

I carried a void for many years

of my life, and because of that, I suffered several

consequences in adulthood. But it wasn't

my parents' fault; they did the

best they could with what they had

at that moment. And for me, it was a

great turning point when I recognized that I had

already felt my parents' love at the moment they

allowed me to live.

That is the greatest

love; that permission is the greatest

love. But I didn't understand it by

speaking like I'm speaking to you now.

I understood it through a

process. I understood it after clearing away

all the dirt, clearing my

vision. I understood it after I

listened to my parents' story.

Sit with your mother, listen to her story.

Sit with your father if you have that

opportunity. Jo, I don't. Is there

anyone you know who isn't? Jo, I'm

adopted. Now, can you

imagine? Can you imagine the story

behind a mother who gives up her child?

Because an emotionally

healthy woman pays close attention; this is

very powerful. The

media system understands all of this and p That's why

they fight all the time to

disconnect women from

their true essence, from their

true

identity. An emotionally

healthy woman would never do that,

she wouldn't do that, she doesn't do that.

We have a hormone called

oxytocin that is much more prevalent in

women. I'm talking about science, okay?

This is science. I had an entire module

in neuroscience dedicated to cases

like this: a woman who suffered violence in her

childhood, who

lived in a dysfunctional home, whose

mother suffered

domestic violence. This child experienced a

rupture, a gap.

This child developed a

dysfunction. This child will grow up and

become a woman, you agree, but she will

have a dysfunction there. And there are several

studies that prove that this woman

who came from this dysfunctional home, what

will

happen? She won't

produce

oxytocin at the level where she will have

feelings of love and affection. That's

why mammals, animals—let's

talk about animals, we

human beings—also have

this production. We women,

we are the ones who produce the most of the

oxytocin hormone. That's why

we have affection. Hormones...

there's a technology inside us that

controls our behavior; they're

called

hormones, okay? And this woman, because she does

n't have

sufficient production of them, she'll ignore... she doesn't have

feelings of

affection, she doesn't have the love molecule

because she's... dear, she's

emotionally ill because she's

totally dysfunctional, she's

totally disconnected from

herself. Look how important it is for us to have

knowledge, right?

Ah, knowledge

liberates,

saves. And that's why we need to take

this message to thousands of women

who need to hear this. How many women

are punishing themselves, judging themselves, blaming themselves?

How many women have already taken their

own

lives because they had to give up their

children? How many? And a woman who does this

will suffer a void for the rest of her life.

It's about that, you know? It's about looking

with love

at dysfunctional behavior, it's

about looking for the cause of that

behavior. I've always been that

questioning person, ever since I was a child. My

mother says, "The one who talks, who always

talked to everyone, a

small town, Juliana, talking to

everyone." But deep down, I always

knew that a person who has a certain

behavior

has a

story. What story is that?

Listen, listen, and you will understand

those behaviors. And here's where the

behaviors come in.

A woman suffering from

emotional dependency hears this

story: a neglected child,

neglecting emotions, a

child who didn't have them,

perhaps wasn't raised by

parents, that child who was constantly seeking

attention and didn't get it because

perhaps the parents didn't have

time. Then she grows up and goes looking for that

attention she once didn't have, she

goes looking for that love that was once

lacking. So the first point is to

nurture yourself by understanding that you are

loved, that you are already

accepted, you have received permission to be

here, and your plan is a plan to

prosper and not cause you

harm. From the moment you

begin to understand this, you will

affirm this to yourself

daily. Does it make sense to you?

The other point here, so

that you can do the

other action, the other attitude here, is

self-awareness,

self-awareness, to begin to reflect on

which

moments, it will be like this: Sandra, in which

moments do you

most need to be seen,

loved, and recognized, and in which moments do

you most perceive

dysfunctional behavior of emotional dependency?

What moments are these?

Write

this down.

And then you will see several

answers from the moment... What you're

going through is because you start to look

deeply into that

dysfunctional behavior and you'll understand. Another

issue here is asking for

help. Ask for

help right now, get in touch with TPM.

Ask for help to get out of this place.

Don't stay in this place alone.

You don't need to stay in this place

alone. You can and should ask for

help. Raising self-esteem is extremely

important. Self-love is found

here. Raising

self-esteem is good, nurturing yourself by understanding

that you

are already accepted and loved. Bringing this awareness

to yourself, bringing this self-awareness to what

you are, in what

moments you have the most

dysfunctional behaviors due to

emotional dependence. Ask for help, raise

your self-esteem. Look, raising

self-esteem with the

recognition of your beauty, your

skills, your abilities. Take

your eyes off what you

lack and put your eyes on what

you have. The gratitude list

works,

Juliana, if you feel it. It's no use

just writing it down without feeling it. It doesn't

work if you

truly

feel what you are

grateful for. It's there, right? In prayer, just

asking. What is the

gratitude? Have you thanked today for

life, for

vitality? Have you thanked today for the

opportunities you have before your

eyes? So these are

simple actions that provide resources.

Nutrition PR is something you

experience

daily, and it's a continuous process.

Depending on the

level and intensity of this emotional dependence, it's a

therapeutic process, a

developmental process. You understand this? You won't

live in that empty,

gaping place that leads to depression,

anxiety disorders, and

anguish anymore. And besides, sometimes

you even end up

with dysfunctional behaviors

that

harm your relationships.

Because there's so much lack, so much

dependence, that you're constantly

demanding attention from people, constantly demanding their

attention. It's an

active emotional dependence, like that

woman who keeps demanding

attention, demanding

love. Then there's passive emotional dependence, the

poor thing, she doesn't speak up, but she's always

looking for ways to get attention. The

active one speaks up, she demands, she insists.

Exactly, too much neediness. That's

not good. This isn't good

at

work, at home, in your

relationships, with family, with

friends. It's not good for you, right? It's

not good for the person suffering,

especially those who are there, those who

are living with that person.

We encounter this a lot, and that's where a

compassionate approach comes in. That's why there

need to be

action every day. for you to

fill yourself and nourish yourself

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