I IDENTIFY AS HUNGRY/SLEEPY | Gabriel Iglesias

But, times are changing. The rules are

changing, so I don't know how much

longer this is going to be okay. I'll

tell you what happened to me and why I

brought that up.

I did a podcast. And before I went into

the studio, I'm talking to the producer

outside. And the producer's really

excited and happy, and she's like,

"Gabriel Iglesias, we're so excited to

have you. This is really cool. Um before

you go in, the host wanted me to ask you

something before you go in for your

interview." I go, "Sure, go for it."

"Okay, what do you

identify as?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that.

I'm 47 years old. I didn't know what to

say. I was like, "Shit, hungry, I

guess." I mean,

I'm tired, sleepy, depressed on

Tuesdays. I don't know what you want me

to say.

See, here's the thing.

I knew what she was trying to ask me. I

just wasn't trying to get involved in a

conversation about something that has

absolutely nothing to do with me.

This was Yeah. [cheering]

>> [applause]

>> I felt like I was being baited because

no matter how I answered that question,

I was going to find myself in an awkward

situation. So, you know, because for me,

I was just like, let me just be funny.

But nowadays, you can't just not answer

the question. Because silence is seen as

a problem. And I'm sorry if me not

answering a certain question is

considered a problem. I was brought up

during a time where you were constantly

told to mind your business.

>> [cheering]

[applause]

>> That's all I'm trying to do is stay in

my lane. Another thing we were

constantly told was always respect your

elders.

>> [applause]

>> And no matter what generation you were

from, that was at least the one thing we

could always agree on until now. Now

older people are seen as a problem.

They are. You know, and I understand the

youth of today has the technology in the

palm of their hands and you can Google

just about anything, but you cannot

Google life experience.

Okay?

>> [cheering]

>> You can't. You can't download

struggling. You can't download failure.

You can't download these moments that

help build you up to make you a better

person. And so, again, for me, I chose

to stay in my lane and just crack jokes

when the girl asked me the question. She

got very upset. She got very offended.

Oh, as soon as I cracked the joke, SHE'S

LIKE, "NO, NO, NO. That's not what I

mean. I mean, what are your pronouns?"

What?

What are your pronouns? For example, are

you a they or a them?

A they?

Or a them?

How fat am I?

When did I stop being a it?

Apparently, I ate myself into a plural.

That's what happened.

What I'm finding

is even if you have good intentions and

you're just trying to be cool, You can

still find yourself in a situation. So

I'll tell you what else happened to me,

okay?

I was at a McDonald's.

That's not even the joke, BUT OKAY.

ALREADY THEY'RE LIKE THIS THIS THIS IS

GOING TO BE GOOD. I'M NOT.

I WAS AT A MCDONALD'S by my house.

The McDonald's by my house is actually a

twofer. It's a McDonald's on the corner

and it's also a gas station. I got a big

SUV. I knew it was going to be a minute,

so I said, "Let me go get some nuggets

while I'm here."

I walk into the McDonald's and as I'm

walking in, I couldn't help but notice

this homeless family sitting right

outside. Now, they didn't have a sign.

They did not ask me for money, but you

could just tell. You could just tell

that this poor family is dealing

with life.

So I get inside and I said, "You know

what? I don't need anything to eat. I

really don't. At this point it's just a

habit."

I get to the register and I says, "You

know what? Let me order some food for

the family. They got kids with them." So

I placed an order and the cashier's

like, "Anything else?" Actually, yes. Do

you have um um wet naps? Excuse me? You

know, wet naps to clean your hands. Sir,

you're more than welcome to use the

restroom. I'll give you the code. Here's

the thing. It's not for me. It's for the

homeless family that's right outside the

door. Um I want to make sure that the

little kids can clean their hands before

they eat. This food that I just ordered

is for them.

And as we're talking,

>> [cheering]

>> thank you.

As we're talking, the manager at the

McDonald's is listening in to our

conversation.

And she walks over and she's all nosy,

right? She's like, "Excuse me, I

couldn't help but overhear the

conversation. Did you just say that this

food is for the family outside?"

Yeah, I hope that's okay.

Oh no, it is definitely okay. Giving

food to people who need food is

definitely okay. However, what you just

called them

is not okay.

What did I call them?

You said

homeless.

CUZ THEY ARE, LOOK,

He's licking the window.

Sir, you can't say that word anymore.

It's considered offensive.

Who complained?

Okay, well, if I'm not supposed to say

the word homeless anymore, what am I

supposed to say instead of the word

homeless?

Sir, the new politically correct term is

actually unhoused

when describing someone in an

unfortunate situation like that.

You're kidding.

No, sir, I'm not kidding. And please

lower your voice.

How do you want me to lower my voice

when you're saying something so

ridiculous? Well, sir, if you think it's

ridiculous, then clearly you are part of

the problem,

not the solution.

Oh, Miami, I wanted to get ghetto.

>> I wanted to get ghetto.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I wanted to go full

Hialeah on them.

>> [cheering]

>> Thank you for coming, Hialeah.

>> [cheering]

>> So, yeah. I wanted to go off on her, but

I I

I wanted to get ghetto, but I couldn't

because that is the regular McDonald's I

go to.

You know what I'm saying? I'm not trying

to get banned.

The next one's far. Gas is a so

I'm like, "Nah."

So, I looked at her and I said, "Okay,

we're going to play this game. Let's

play this game."

From now on,

I'm no longer fat.

According to you, I am now unexercised.

>> [cheering]

[applause]

>> I did, bro. She looked at me. She's

like, "Don't be ridiculous."

And I looked at her and I WAS LIKE, "OH.

OH, WELL, IF YOU THINK IT'S RIDICULOUS,

then clearly you are part of the

problem,

>> [cheering]

>> not the solution."

And I grabbed the food and I walked out.

Now, second half of the story, I walk

over to the family, okay? And I hand the

bags of food to the mom.

And the mom was so nice. She was just

happy that someone thought of her and

her kids. She got very emotional. She's

like, "I just want to say thank you. You

have no idea what you're doing for us

right now. This really means a lot.

Thank you. And I had [snorts] to ask the

question.

I said,

"Are you okay?"

Now, I know what you thought.

You got some of you like, "Don't do it."

Oh, I did it. That's why we're here.

Watch.

So, I looked at her and I said, "Are you

okay?" And she was like, "No,

unfortunately, we're not okay. We're

not. We've been homeless now for 4

days."

And I was like, "Um

I don't know if you heard,

but uh

Now, not I didn't correct her.

I didn't correct her cuz I'm not a dick.

That's why I didn't correct her.