0:00
Every time you speak, people are making
0:02
a decision. Is this someone I can trust
0:04
or is this someone that I tune out of?
0:05
Running my company, acquisition.com,
0:07
taught me this. Leadership lives or dies
0:09
by your communication. If you cannot
0:12
communicate like a leader, then you will
0:13
never be trusted like one. So, let me
0:15
show you the five behaviors that are
0:16
quietly killing your executive presence
0:19
and exactly what to do instead. Number
0:21
one is stop overexplaining. You can have
0:24
the best ideas in the room, but if you
0:26
can't actually communicate them clearly,
0:28
you will always follow somebody who can.
0:30
And the thing is is that trust erodess
0:31
with every weak behavior that you let
0:33
slide. You don't need to add behaviors
0:35
to be taken seriously. You actually just
0:37
need to eliminate the ones that make you
0:38
look weak. The most intelligent people
0:40
in the room, they rarely say the most.
0:42
They actually usually say the least, but
0:43
every word that they say lands with
0:45
people that are there. I used to be the
0:47
queen of overexplaining. And and I did
0:48
it for multiple reasons. One, I felt
0:50
like if I didn't give people every
0:52
single thing from my brain that they
0:53
weren't going to understand the concept
0:54
when it was actually the fact that I
0:55
didn't know how to simplify concepts.
0:57
The second is that I felt not sure in
0:59
what I was saying. And so I talked
1:00
around the thing a million ways until I
1:02
finally was like, does the person
1:04
understand the message? And then the
1:06
third thing was that if somebody wasn't
1:07
giving me the reaction that I wanted, I
1:10
felt unsure, uncertain, doubtful. So I
1:12
kept talking and it was out of
1:13
nervousness. And so it wasn't until I
1:16
got into a setting where I was leading a
1:17
big team where I realized that I watched
1:19
myself on a meeting and I was replaying
1:21
it because I felt like I didn't get the
1:22
reaction I wanted out of my team and
1:24
when I watched them watching me, I was
1:26
just talking in circles. At some point
1:28
they tune out. They're like you're just
1:29
said it six times already. Like I don't
1:31
need to hear you say it again, lady.
1:32
Like we already know. The second is that
1:34
I didn't come off confident. So people
1:36
start to check out because they're like
1:37
suddenly they're like well I don't want
1:38
to listen to you because you're not an
1:40
expert. Because experts and people who
1:42
are confident and people who know their
1:43
they don't need to talk that much about
1:44
the thing. They just say it and they
1:46
assume that you understand. They move
1:47
on. Here's the thing. If you pause and
1:50
you're okay with silence, it gives
1:53
people time to process and respect your
1:55
words. Authority is felt when one speaks
1:58
as if they're expected to be heard, not
2:01
as if they're hoping to be heard. So
2:03
when your communication's tight, your
2:05
thinking appears sharp, even if it's
2:07
imperfect. When people are trying to
2:08
improve their executive presence, the
2:10
first thing that I say is you have less
2:12
time to talk. They're usually taking up
2:14
way too much time when they're speaking.
2:15
A trick that I do with my executives,
2:17
for example, is that when I'm having
2:18
them present in our quarterly off sites,
2:21
in our meetings, often times they say,
2:23
"Well, how many slides can I get?" I'm
2:24
like, "It's not about how many slides
2:26
you get. You get 2 minutes to talk.
2:27
However many slides you want in there,
2:29
great." But I try to constrain the
2:30
amount of talk time they have because it
2:32
will constrain them to a certain amount
2:33
of time which makes them bring the
2:35
message down to only the most important
2:37
points because if not right is most of
2:39
the time they're overexlaining and
2:41
overexlaining makes them sound insecure
2:43
which is why people don't listen to you
2:45
in the first place or take you
2:46
seriously. There's a quote by Warren
2:47
Buffett that says the one easy way to
2:50
become worth 50% more than you are right
2:52
now is literally just to hone in on your
2:55
communication skills. Number two is that
2:57
we want to stop fidgeting. what you say
2:59
does not matter if your body language is
3:01
saying the opposite. People won't follow
3:03
somebody who looks uncertain. So if your
3:05
voice and your body are not aligning,
3:07
people don't trust either of those
3:08
things because your energy reads as
3:10
nervous and uncertain. And people don't
3:12
want to follow somebody who comes off
3:14
nervous and uncertain. So instead,
3:16
instead of being nervous and just and
3:17
chewing gum like I'll do that, and
3:19
playing with your hair and playing with
3:20
your nails and like doing all sorts of
3:22
things, instead you want to be
3:23
controlled, precise, and slow. Now, why
3:26
does this work? One, having a strong
3:28
posture, having a strong presence,
3:30
standing up straight, putting your hands
3:32
together, having your shoulders back,
3:34
sitting up straight, that shows that
3:36
you're grounded, even if you are unsure.
3:38
And it also signals to you that you're
3:40
grounded. The second is that the way
3:41
that you position yourself literally
3:43
signals to somebody how you feel about
3:45
yourself. So, think about somebody who's
3:47
really confident in themselves. And then
3:49
think about how they stand. Stand that
3:51
way. Right? If somebody's very
3:53
confident, they're standing like this.
3:54
They might be using a lot of gestures.
3:56
They feel open. They feel big and
3:58
they're taking up a lot of space. Right?
3:59
When you think about somebody who's not
4:00
confident, you probably think of like
4:02
more hunched over like this. They're
4:04
doing some uncertain stuff. It looks
4:05
fidgety and they're slouching. They
4:07
don't look sure about themselves. I
4:09
remember actually that I had a director
4:10
of operations and she was really great
4:13
at managing projects. But the moment
4:14
that it got to, okay, we're going to
4:16
command the team, we're going to tell
4:17
the team what to do, she had the
4:19
weirdest fidgeting. And so she would do
4:21
two things. One, she would bite her
4:22
nails when I go on the calls. She
4:24
wouldn't stop biting her nails. and she
4:25
would be talking her nails. And I was
4:27
like, it's so such a little thing, but
4:28
it makes a difference. And the second
4:30
thing she would do is she would
4:31
constantly be doing like this with her
4:32
hair and just playing with her hair and
4:34
she wouldn't ever stop fidgeting. And
4:36
her fidgeting actually signaled to me
4:37
that she was nervous or uncertain. And
4:39
so I had a call with her and I said,
4:40
"Hey, I actually think the one thing
4:42
that you could do that would make the
4:43
biggest difference into how you lead
4:44
this team is I just need you to get some
4:46
fake nails so you stop biting them." And
4:48
so it was really funny because she
4:49
actually went to the nail salon, got
4:50
fake nails, and then she stopped biting
4:52
her nails. that it actually made her
4:53
look much more confident with the team
4:55
because she didn't have this nervous
4:57
fidget that she was doing. Think about
4:58
how if you see a CEO on a stage versus,
5:01
let's say, a customer support rep, how
5:03
do you think they're going to show up
5:04
differently? How are they going to walk?
5:06
How are they going to talk? Where are
5:07
they going to put their hands? How are
5:08
they going to move their hands? It's
5:10
like the CEO is probably going to have
5:12
very intentional gestures. They're going
5:13
to use their hands to tell a story.
5:15
They're going to bring people into it.
5:17
Whereas the customer support rep might
5:18
be fidgeting. They might be talking like
5:20
this. They might be going like this.
5:22
They might be, you know, rubbing their
5:23
arm. They might be playing with their
5:24
hair. And so you have to remember what
5:26
executive presence looks like. And most
5:28
people have some kind of nervous fidget
5:30
that they do or they ramble. And those
5:32
things distract them from what they're
5:34
saying. It steals their confidence and
5:36
it seals attention that the audience
5:37
would have on what you're saying. And
5:38
now they're watching the thing that
5:39
you're doing. So end of the day, we want
5:41
to replace the nervous fidgets, the
5:44
slouching, the weird gestures with
5:46
adopting a slow, precise, and grounded
5:49
posture and movement that make people
5:51
instinctively trust you more. Number
5:53
three is we want to stop asking for
5:55
permission. You don't get appointed to
5:57
be the leader. You claim leadership
5:59
through behavior. If you don't step in
6:02
and own something, take ownership,
6:04
become a leader, somebody else might.
6:06
And that person might be dumber and less
6:09
qualified than you, which is the funny
6:11
part. It might not be your job, but it
6:13
is your responsibility to take ownership
6:15
in situations. And people with a high
6:17
executive presence do that
6:18
automatically. I remember when I was in
6:20
college and I was put on this project
6:22
and there were four of us was actually
6:23
out sick. I'd had the flu and so when I
6:25
came in, I had this group of four of us
6:27
and I was like, "Okay, the project's due
6:28
in 2 weeks. Like, where are we at?" And
6:30
everyone was like, "I don't know. We
6:31
haven't started. We this, we that." And
6:33
I was like, "What?" I was like, "Guys,
6:35
we're not going to get this done." And
6:36
so I realized I was like, "I need to
6:37
stop waiting for them to say, "Hey, you
6:38
lead this project." And I was like,
6:39
"Fuck." So I got home that night. I put
6:41
together the whole plan. I said, "I'm
6:43
going to do this. John's going to do
6:44
this. Sarah's going to do this. Here's
6:46
how it's going to go. Here's the
6:47
timeline. Here's what we're going to all
6:48
do. We're going to meet after school
6:49
tomorrow." So I came the next day. I
6:50
brought them the plan. We put it all
6:52
together. And guess what? I didn't ask
6:54
to be the leader, but then they all
6:56
started coming to me. Hey, does this
6:57
look okay? Do you think I should do
6:58
anything differently? What do you think
6:59
I should do here? How should I do this?
7:01
And suddenly I became the leader in that
7:03
situation. And now I didn't wait for
7:04
somebody to say, "Hey, we need a leader
7:06
here." I just said, "Hey, there's no
7:07
leader. Maybe I should step up and do it
7:09
myself." Now, why does this work?
7:11
Leaders are followed because they create
7:13
certainty. If you don't create certainty
7:15
in your team amongst all the chaos, it's
7:17
going to be really tough for people to
7:19
follow you. And that is why people like
7:21
being around leaders because they make
7:22
them feel safe. Now, why do they feel
7:24
safe? Because they create that
7:25
certainty. Now, how do they create that
7:27
certainty? They don't sit there and ask,
7:29
"Do I have permission to be your leader?
7:30
Do I have permission to lead you here?"
7:32
They just are. They take control. They
7:34
take ownership. They're decisive. And
7:36
that decisiveness builds momentum.
7:38
Whereas indecision is what breeds doubt
7:40
in people. And people want to be led by
7:42
somebody who acts, not somebody who asks
7:45
for permission. Number four is we want
7:47
to stop avoiding hard conversations.
7:49
People won't say it out loud, but they
7:51
are counting every single time that you
7:53
avoid doing the hard thing. It's
7:54
mentally they're checking that point,
7:56
right? And avoidance kills respect.
7:58
Period. People won't say it to your
8:00
face, but they will remember it when you
8:02
avoid something. Every time that you
8:04
dodge the truth, you lose respect. Every
8:06
time you don't address a challenging
8:08
situation, you lose respect. And so,
8:10
executive presence means being the one
8:12
who will say what others won't say. I
8:15
remember there was a quote from Mark
8:16
Zuckerberg that I actually really like
8:17
and he said, "Your job as a CEO is to be
8:19
a trutht teller. You have to tell the
8:21
truth even if nobody else will." I would
8:22
say this is the number one thing that I
8:24
have to do on a continuous basis is have
8:27
hard conversations. The only way I've
8:28
gotten anywhere in my health, my
8:30
relationships, my family, my
8:33
friendships, my work life is just by
8:35
having those hard conversations. For
8:36
example, I remember that I had a friend
8:38
and she kept telling me that she was
8:40
having a hard time with her boyfriend.
8:42
And she was saying like, "Oh, you know,
8:43
I think he's two time me. I think he's
8:45
this. I think he's that." And every time
8:46
she brought it up, I realized that while
8:48
she was bringing that up, she wasn't
8:50
addressing the fact that she was doing
8:51
some nefarious things in her
8:52
relationship herself. And so, I said,
8:54
"You know what? I realize I can't be
8:56
friends with somebody that should talk
8:58
somebody who's also not upholding their
9:00
end of the bargain. And so I addressed
9:02
it to her and I said like, "Hey, I don't
9:03
actually think that we can keep having
9:05
these conversations because you don't
9:06
take any responsibility for where you're
9:07
at in the relationship. And so either
9:09
take the responsibility or don't talk to
9:11
me about it." And I remember in that
9:12
moment she was like completely shocked.
9:14
And I was like, "Well, listen, if you
9:15
want to talk to me about it, I'm going
9:16
to have an opinion about it. But if you
9:17
don't want me to have an opinion, then
9:18
don't talk to me about it. And if you
9:19
want me to talk to you about it, then do
9:21
something about the situation." And I
9:22
remember it was like the first time I
9:24
broke the seal with that person
9:25
specifically who had been a friend and I
9:26
felt fed up with their And what I
9:28
realized in that moment is I walked away
9:30
having more respect for myself. It
9:31
wasn't about her and about the
9:33
conversation, but it's about me feeling
9:35
confident in myself, having the respect
9:36
for myself, that I'm the kind of person
9:38
that does hard things and addresses
9:39
those things. So what you want to do is
9:41
you want to replace avoidance with
9:43
confrontation. It's not that you just
9:45
want to confront people and loosely call
9:47
people out, act like an but you
9:49
want to confront them with composure.
9:50
And what that means is you want to be
9:52
honest because when you're honest that
9:54
builds trust. When you soften the truth,
9:56
when you avoid the truth, you create
9:57
confusion. And when you name names, you
9:59
become the person to look for when you
10:01
want solutions. And great leaders don't
10:03
avoid discomfort. They walk towards it.
10:06
Number five is stop being inconsistent.
10:09
You cannot be trusted to lead others if
10:11
you can't regulate yourself. If your
10:13
mood dictates how you lead, you are not
10:16
leading. You're just reacting to your
10:17
own emotions. Executive presence is
10:19
earned through emotional predictability.
10:21
For example, when I was working in a gym
10:24
as a personal trainer, I had a boss and
10:26
and he would come in and it was like no
10:27
matter what we had done, no matter how
10:29
good we were doing, no matter how happy
10:31
everybody was, it was like depending on
10:33
whatever happened with him at home, that
10:35
was going to rain hell on all of us that
10:37
day. So, he would come in and it would
10:39
be like, "What the are you doing? Get
10:42
theing numbers up. Do this. Do" And I
10:44
was like, "Oh my gosh." And it was
10:46
horrible because what I realized I was
10:47
like this guy has no emotional
10:48
regulation and he will fail at his job
10:51
because of that. It's interesting
10:52
because I remember even if he understood
10:54
how to tactically do the job, the fact
10:56
that he would walk in and his emotions
10:58
were what controlled how he acted that
11:00
day, I just had no respect for him and
11:01
therefore I wouldn't follow him. I
11:02
wouldn't be led by him and I end up
11:04
eventually leaving the situation. So
11:05
what you have to do in order to maintain
11:08
and increase your executive presence is
11:10
replace inconsistency with
11:12
predictability. Consistency creates
11:14
psychological safety and people perform
11:16
better when they know what to expect
11:17
from you. Emotional regulation under
11:19
stress is one of the rarest and most
11:21
respected leadership traits. And so the
11:23
higher that you climb, the more people
11:25
will look to you before they look at the
11:27
data. Executive presence is not about
11:29
being charismatic. It's about being
11:31
somebody that people trust to lead. I
11:33
used to think it was about charisma and
11:34
so I felt like I wasn't a good
11:35
communicator cuz I wasn't super
11:36
charismatic, which is probably weird to
11:37
see now. So you want to cut out the weak
11:39
behaviors and you want to replace them
11:41
with clarity, with calmness, with
11:43
conviction. And you will start to see
11:45
that people will listen to you. And so
11:47
at the end of the day, it's much more
11:49
about what you stop doing that's making
11:51
you not have executive presence than it
11:53
is about what you start doing. If you
11:54
want to learn more about how to be a
11:56
great leader, you can check out my video
11:57
on how kind leaders succeed when nice
