The top Five regrets of the dying

It is hard to go through life without having a few regrets. Most of us would probably say we'd like to have spent more time with family or stayed in contact with more friends or maybe looked after our health a little bit more. Well, Bronnie Ware spent several years caring for people who were in the last weeks of their lives and many of them talked about things they would like to have done differently. For instance, wishing they hadn't worked so hard was pretty near the top of the list. I'm going to be speaking to Bronnie in just a moment and ask her

what we can learn from her experiences. First though, we ask people what means most to them. - It's gotta be fun, man, to do things like this out and about, walk in the park, on the swings, perfect. - At the moment, it's my granddaughter, Isla, who loves this thing.

just because children are the most important thing in life and watching them growing up. The most important thing in my life is being healthy and fit and that's why we're here today having a great time out in the sunshine. Developing relationships and having company and having good times together and enjoying life. It would probably be staying fit and healthy. What's the most important thing in your life? Not sparring.

There's a man who's got a lot of time. He's got his priorities sorted, hasn't he? Bronnie Ware wrote a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. She joins us now. Good morning. Good morning. Which stemmed from a blog that you wrote that just went...

globally crazy viral yeah and and was it a really fascinating piece of writing the the top regret that you've done from talking to people near the end of their lives was that they wish they had the courage to live a life true to themselves not the life others expected often as a common thing yes it came up all the time and so what did that mean when you were when you were spending time with people such a difficult sensitive time for them what kind of conversations were you having

People, you know, their ego has dissolved a lot, so they were very personal, intimate conversations, and the information they gave me was volunteered. And just being able to look back and realize there were so many things they would have done differently had they not been influenced by other people's expectations, whether that was family or peers or society, and realize they'd held themselves back from the life they would have led. Do you think that's how most of us stand?

live our lives, trapped in a way. I think to a degree, until you have some sort of trauma or something that shakes you out of that general conditioning, yes. Unfortunately. Did that ring true then? Is that what made people so responsive to what you were writing about? That idea of living a life that is true to yourself

rather than what you think other people think you should be doing. I think part of the reason it's resonated with such a huge audience is that it has given people permission to be who they want to be and to break through those in general. The other items on the list, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Yes. Especially for men, I think, isn't it? I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. The difficulty is that if you are, you know,

So tied not tied down, but if you you know if you have a married with children you have a mortgage you have to have a job these are things that Determine the path of your life so that for many many people they can't Walk their own paths can they well there's still a choice on a day-to-day basis, and I think that it's not about

getting rid of your responsibilities. I think it's about making choices, small choices every day to honour your own needs to a degree as well and try and keep some simplicity and balance along the way and just going through it with those conscious choices rather than feeling like there's no control at all. Because it's an extraordinary perspective that you had as a carer but also as an artist, as a creative person, somebody who wants to write

that you were able to be with people who could express, as you say, very honestly, things about your time in life that you may have the opportunity to change. Did that make you make some changes? Oh, it's transformed my life completely. That's part of how the book came about, is because my life was a bit of a mess. And being with dying people, it just gave me the courage to...

to be the person I wanted to be and not have those expectations put on me and yeah just realizing that that no matter how hard a challenge may be to overcome these regrets none of them nothing's going to be as painful as lying on your deathbed regretting things that you could have changed a lesson for us all Bronnie thank you very much indeed that's a pleasure thank you talk to you and Bronnie where's book the top five regrets of the dying is that now seven