can they overcome childhood heartbreak? | tea for two

please read it search your name in the

other person's

messages do we have to do this I'll do

it I'll do it if you you don't have to

do

anything damn look she she deleting

messages wait you deleting

stuff go

[Music]

ahead hi my name is Diane I'm 21 I'm

currently a fourth year student at

UCLA my name is Justin Fardo I'm 21

years old and I'm currently a senior at

USC what would you say is like a trigger

on a date I think if they like can't

talk to me I don't mind caring a

conversation but I feel like when I have

to do like 90% of the work that's a sign

that we aren't compatible I feel like

it's hard for me to be vulnerable with

people sometimes and with Justin I feel

like I can tell anything thing I met

Justin 5 years ago at a conference for

UC Berkeley during high school at the

end of the conference we had little

envelopes and I found a note in it it

said like hi it was nice to meet you and

a phone number and I basically texted

the phone number on the limb so I

basically slid in DMS but physically we

just started texting a lot and

FaceTiming a lot and just kind of hit it

off we dated for about 6 months and then

right after that

things kind of fell apart I was still

immature had a lot to learn and then the

way it ended was it was really messy I

really really hurt her we rekindled like

my first year of college and then we

also rekindled this year which is my

fourth year of college I called her is

it me can I just not get over my first

love I got out of relationship a few

months ago right after that is when me

and Justin started talking again I mean

it's really fun we went on multiple

dates we're going to date soon so yeah I

think situationship is the best way to

put in where we stand in right now is

just friends but just friends that feel

emotionally connected and physically

attracted to one another and I was like

okay well that doesn't sound like just

friends but yeah I can do

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that how are you feeling um I'm feeling

good I don't I just feel

n yeah I just feel

nervous hello

hey what should we drink so there's tea

but then I do see a lot of other options

this is IPA beer I like

tequila taking

shots hopefully this tastes good well

feel like I'm going to make a face when

I drink this alcohol's alcohol right

Cheers

Cheers oh ooh we loose

now

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Che okay it's a perception box question

okay what is something you regret that

you fail to do or say in a past

relationship my most recent relationship

and what I regret or fail to do was

stand up for myself I just destroyed

myself my whole identity I cut off on my

friends cuz I was told that for whatever

reasons they weren't really my friends

they didn't really care about me I was

told don't talk about your interests

don't talk about this stuff because I

don't

care I let it drag on because if I did

that then the relationship would

continue and my partner would be happy

and she'd be happy and it happened for a

reason and it made me who I am now and

it

Formed boundaries for myself and how to

stand up for myself and knowing who I

was and forming my identity so I've done

a lot of work to figure out what's real

and what's not so yeah how about you um

maintain my friendships while I was in a

relationship I prioritized my

significant other a lot I don't know I

was just like Tunnel Vision on like my

partner at the time and then it wasn't

until like I was outside of the

relationship that I realized that like

I'm not as close to my friends anymore

but it's a lot better now so I love all

my

friends

so it's deer

two what's the worst thing someone could

say about

you you go yeah I think if someone were

to tell me that like I don't know like

you've had it so easy or that like you

didn't work hard or especially in

college because like I go to UCLA like a

lot of people come from like very

affluent backgrounds privileged

backgrounds and like I didn't grow up

that way like immigrant household and so

people say that it's like yeah you don't

know me but the worst thing someone

could say about me is like why do I care

so much like that's something that

friends have often told me in an effort

to be like you know just let it go like

why does it bother you so much being in

touch with my emotions and emotional

intelligence is something I take a lot

of pride in and someone saying like why

do you care so much like just let it go

and move on while it is objectively good

advice it just pushes them away from me

because I realize that they don't really

know who I am like it's core to me to

care and to be

thoughtful I didn't know that

your turn Okay challenge Char first

challeng oh

boy oh God

what it says FaceTime the other person's

Mom oh it's got to be mine then because

oh yeah because okay all right on my

phone stop laughing this is so funny oh

she might not pick up don't pick up Mom

she knows she

knows let me take a deep breath hi

Mom it's a

okay hi

Miss basically we got a challenge card

and it says to FaceTime the other

person's mom so that's why sorry Mom

love you sorry it's nice to beet

you sorry Mom okay love are you able to

see me right now no no the cameras can't

see you mom they can't see you it's okay

I'm sick and bad I know I know I'm sorry

Mom I'm sorry okay I love you a love you

bye oh great crazy challenge card wild

insane when was the last time that you

really

cried okay for me at least it was on the

FaceTime that we

had a few weeks ago and we had talked

about like oh what are we what should we

be and I got really emotional I think

mostly I had decided that we should have

ended things I don't know I felt

really

sad that I decided to do that and I also

felt like I didn't express

myself in the best way possible yeah I

think as I was just like talking about

it and like telling you like how I felt

about the situation like um and like you

I think that's when I got emotional in

started

crying last time I really cried yeah it

was that same situation it was it was

the drive back we had hung out all day

and then I was about you walked me into

my car and then you got in the car and

you're like I got something to tell you

and we all know what happened but felt

like I had no say in it I felt very

blindsided and let on at the time and

that that's how I feel that it was but I

forgive you now of course I was just

trying to be stoic and then as soon as

you walked back and I saw you got back

into your apartment safely I just drove

off

and yeah I instantly I called my mom and

just I couldn't I couldn't even get the

words out she like what's wrong I just

couldn't even tell her I just started

crying

and yeah want to in you mentioned that

you did

something do you want me to talk about

it I don't care okay I'm just checking

with you okay she she was coming to town

I think to see friends or something into

La basically she was going to have the

whole day with her friends and then the

plans where I was going to pick her up

at the beach and then she's going to

stay the night at my place we're going

to hang out or whatever and then the

next morning then I would drive her back

to her friends that was the plan uh

instead what happened

was you say I I didn't feel well that's

all yeah I was just upset because there

were decisions that I felt Diane could

have made that I was like why didn't you

part like you knew you're going to hang

out with me and then I felt disrespected

I had driven all the way out to go picky

up at the beach and then when I get

there I felt like I was being just like

handed a burden in a sense which is I

hate saying it that way that's how I

felt in the moment one of your friends

told me like oh like it's okay like if

you can't take care of for we can take

care of her and looking back it was kind

of one of those like comments of like

just being cordial and polite but

assuming I would say no no no I got it

and instead I went yeah I I wasn't ready

to take care of her no you take care of

her and I left and I left in a very

angry manner I scared you really

badly which I super regret and you know

that I've told you that was horrible of

me and how I never leave you like that

again

so it's

okay

okay next

question okay it's a challenge card

uhhuh oh

please read it search your name in

the other person's

messages do we have to do this I'll do

it I'll do it if you you don't have to

do

anything okay fine all right you guys

get five more seconds

okay damn look she she deleting messages

wait you're deleting stuff go ahead and

we're only going to give 10 seconds to

look through the other person's

pH no

no

okay okay

juy

not for my

end is

your anything you want to say about

that I don't have anything to

say all right moving on then

well I guess

I I think you know what I was going to

say what were you going to

say so how much do you guys

talk like here and

there

you said it was just him reaching

out

um I guess kind of

both are you sure you don't want to take

a few

minutes how much you guys talk

D you want him

back want to take a

breather I'm good to go forward with the

questions do you want to go forward with

questions yeah yeah it's is it my card

or your card it's mine okay okay uh

perception box question what is your

most consistent and greatest

fear I think coming from like

immigrant lowincome

household like money was such like a big

Topic in our house and especially since

I'm graduating I'm thinking about like

what am I'm going to do after graduation

like I need to have a job and so I think

my most consistent and greatest fear is

like not having enough money to like

keep myself up on my own feet without

having to like rely on other

people um but

yeah

okay we're going to pause right here and

um we're going to take a five minute

break you want to hang out here for a

second you want to come out with us okay

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okay do we want to keep moving through

the questions

yeah that the question of what greatest

fear I was going to touch on it anyways

but now no better way to talk about it

um yeah

Fe not having control over things being

abandoned and I being played and

well I'm saying this because I

care about you about us about my own

feelings and

emotions and so yeah I'm hurt I'm really

hurt Diane thought I had a grasp on

things and I really didn't the term

situationship

it

doesn't always have like clear

boundaries because it's not like a fully

committed relationship being exclusive

or like not being

exclusive until it's stated and that's

what it's like for me like if it's not

stated then I'm going to assume that

it's not exclusive and the text that I

read is saying me and Justin are not a

situationship

so

so what do you think this is that like

we're not

like there's like no full commitment and

so I didn't think it was like something

we know had to discuss or I don't know

you said you needed more ambiguity a

little bit more space I respected that

well if we're going to go with what we

had said out loud was oh we're just

friends feel like you would tell a

friend what's going

on at times I feel

like I do have those feelings for you

and then at times I feel like I

don't I think I haven't felt that spark

the past few days um yeah I could tell I

knew you were dist

and and so like right now that's where

I'm at like I feel like we have really

good

conversation and it's like fun but I

don't that's

all I know right now okay and at times

like I do want to take a step forward

and at times I don't but it's too like

uncertain to say rewind back to the

whole you know you kind of blindsided me

with the just friends and then okay I'll

get over it I'll move on and then 3 days

go by and

suddenly hey I need to talk to you

there's some things I left unsa I need

to tell you okay and she needs to tell

me this because right to give me the

reasons that I deserve and then I hop on

the phone call and it's not that at all

it's I said everything I regret the way

I said things I wasn't trying to lead

you on I feel tionally connected to you

I feel physically attracted to you but

you know things went too fast I was

overwhelmed all very valid things of

course yes and then we agreed to very

like clear okay just friends and I

remember I took a little bit of a step

back to see where your energy was and

you were initiating a lot you know

wanting to hang out we hung out as

friends it was great although with a

lack of clear boundaries it always felt

ambiguous

and I was trying to be okay with it and

it's not a label it's not like I oh I

want boyfriend girlfriend I want Clarity

and this whole just friends thing no

flirting no intimacy was pretty clear

for a while until it

wasn't you spend the night in one

other's place

and and the way we and now the past week

where we you know we bend the rules a

little bit and but I felt like we okay

we're moving toward stage where get a

little more clarity you don't bring up

Valentine's day without any intentions

right

nor do I think friends hang out

oneon-one like that

um okay

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yeah the fact that I got out of a

relationship not too long ago I think I

feel really

confused yeah like I know it hurt him a

lot like I didn't know this was going to

happen or like I didn't know he was

going to react that

way um and

so I think I feel surprised

confused um if it wasn't stated that it

wasn't exclusive like it's not

exclusive I just wanted to be

validated I mean it's still fresh but

still taking a breather and taking

perspective taking context trying to see

it in the way a friend would see it

never had clear boundaries it was just

friends we never Ed the term

situationship anyways actually until

recently and so and even then it felt

more like a joke it's easier said than

done when a friend is in a situationship

it's easy to remind them he like you can

see other people too but then when

you're the other when you're the person

involved in it oh it's hard it's real

hard and so I guess that was the raw

motion there you saw yeah maybe I wasn't

being as considerate of his feelings as

I thought I was even though it was a

hard conversation to

have I think it was necessary and

that without this like I think that

conversation wouldn't have

came

and regardless of the outcome like yeah

I'm really grateful that we had talked

about what we talked about what happened

I think right now it's just really bad

timing trying to figure out her feelings

just out of a fresh relationship I mean

that's so hard that's something I've

been concerned about this entire time

what I do know is lot more questions a

lot more things need to talk out of

course in private what you did

technically isn't wrong it's more the

fact that you lied to me that feels

wrong I should be strong and with anyone

else I would be but then with

her for lack of better terms and she

kind of just breaks those down those

walls in a way and I I will tend to

concede and I know that so of course I'm

going to hear her out hear her side of

things but I if they don't match that's

where I have to remind myself that then

it's okay to let go but I don't even

want to think about that so you didn't

get to the question my biggest fear is

lack of control which is life you don't

get to control everything but it's a

fear of mine and so you got to let go

sometimes so moving forward yeah you

just got to be super clear with with

that

and know the expectations each person

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has