بناء القوة النفسية | د. خالد بن حمد الجابر | بودكسات بدون ورق

People who solve their problems by running away from them, is like using fast pain-killers

they use these quick pain killers, that person is avoiding pain,

He avoids suffering

avoids going through this negative feeling and reaction

but when he avoids it, what happens?

In the long run, he becomes internally weak, he can't take it

Good Evening

There are two kinds of people in crises

there is a person who is good at managing crises, he's calm, balanced, and very good in dealing with the crises

as if the big crisis is a simple crisis for him.

And there is another person who finds the simple crisis as a big and catastrophic crisis

And he breaks down emotionally, and he may get angry, worried, and feel a kind of tension

to the point where this tension may affect his family.

What is the difference between these two people?

Today, we talked about this in detail with Dr. Khaled Al-Jaber

Who honored us for coming from Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

I was very happy to have a conversation with him

I was not only happy and enjoyed it, but I benefited a lot

So, I hope you enjoy this episode

This is Faisal Al-agel, and this is "Bidon Waraq" podcast.

Welcome Dr.

Thank you

Welcome the people of Saudi Arabia

Thank you

You brought light to Kuwait with your visit

Thank you

You told me that this is the last time you came to Kuwait in 1987

No, it was in 1978

1978

Mashallah

We are talking about a long time ago,

has Kuwait changed your in your point of view?

Yes, a long time

Let me tell you what happened

We went to the sea once

Yes

and we found a Korean, Japanese, or Chinese eating raw fish

Ok

I was young at that time

So, the memory of Kuwait was connected to eating raw fish

So we shall invite you tomorrow for lunch

The fish was raw

Yes, raw

We won't cook it but rather just give it you.

So he was eating raw fish? 

Yes

these cultures are used to it.

Yes

So, did you feel any changes?

Do you remember it or not?

Yes, of course

I think the whole region has changed

Yes

In the last 40 years

Kuwait has changed a lot

It is close to Riyadh

Yes, when I arrived to Kuwait

I saw that the streets are very similar to Riyadh

The same design

Even the houses are very similar

True

Doctor, today we want to talk about the psychological toughness

And the confrontation of crises

What made us think in this episode

Is that there are two types of people

We noticed

There are people who when they face difficulties and crises

Their reactions are moderate, calm, and comfortable

And there are people whose reactions are a bit immature so to say

So, I want to understand

What is the idea of the psychological toughness?

You have talked about it many times

What is the concept of the psychological toughness?

And how can one reach the psychological toughness?

Yes, in the name of Allah the Merciful

First of all, welcome again

Welcome

Actually, I do not use the term psychological toughness

I use the term "power"

The psychological power, sorry

Yes, the power

Because the concept of the toughness, in my opinion, is maybe inaccurate

Because the tough can be broken

But the strong is stable

And there is a Hadith, by the way, that describes

A very subtle similarity

The difference between the believer and the hypocrite

Regarding crises and confrontations

That the believer is like a plant

The plant means that the plant is strong, but it is soft

So, the wind blows it to the right and to the left

meaning  there are disasters and hardships which one is going through

but this plant goes with the wind.

As for the disbeliever or the hypocrite, he is like a cedar

Like a long, wide, stable, and strong tree

The wind does not shake it

Then suddenly

It collapses

It collapses, it breaks

Therefore, the term psychological power is better

Better

So, we want to know what is the idea of psychological power?

Yes, this is the idea

It is the following

We are now humans

We live in this life

The nature of life

When Allah created it

He did not create it as a earthly paradise

Or the dream in which man lives

Because life has good and evil

It has right and wrong

It has injustice and justice

It has misery and blessings

It has blessings and vices

It is the nature of life

What happens is that

while we are walking in this life

we live through all these things said 

Right

What happens is that there are people

who become stronger after these crises, shocks, and hardships 

And there are people

who become weaker after these crises, shocks, and hardships 

There is a phrase that I always say:

There are people whose crises strengthen them and bring them closer to Allah

There are people whose crises weaken them and take them away from Allah

Well, for us in psychology

We are interested in studying this phenomenon

Why?

Why are there people like this and like that?

And what is more important than why is what comes after that.

That if we know,

are we able to help?

help these people who are facing shocks and crises

and who do not tolerate much or aren't patient enough

Or who do not get over it easily

Are we able to help them?

By learning from these people

Who were able to get over the crises

And tolerate it and be patient.

Are we able to help this group

By taking the experiences of that other real group?

the group whose people are living with us on earth.

so it's not something theoretical and on paper only. 

And this is all our work in terms of adapting to crises

"Adaptation" is a modern term

It refers to the efforts that man makes

In facing what he faces in general

Specifically, crises or disasters

But before the shocks, crises and disasters,

are there certain behaviors of people

who excel in managing crises?

Yes, this is what I was trying to say

In studying these two groups

There was a very clear difference between them

There is a difference

We combine these in a term called psychological building

the psychological building for this group

Which is likely to be able to get over the crisis

their psychological building is better and stronger.

Is it possible to make components for this psychological building

So that we know exactly what is the psychological building

What are its components?

And how does it form exactly?

So that we can help these people

Who may not have been able to

To acquire the skills or the techniques

And the qualities that are on the other side?

Yes, this is possible

This is basically all the effort that is made

In psychological science

In the field of helping people

To adapt to crises

It is based on this philosophy

The philosophy that we do not get anything from another planet

Or we get something from books

Or from the past

We get something from people

Who are present now and have been able to overcome crises

Then there is a very strange phenomenon

What?

There is an American researcher

He was opposing an idea..

So there is a general tendency in the West

that the western culture is a "forced" culture

Forced means that you believe that things are forced on you

And from the outside and forcibly on on humans

That's why a lot of people talk about the shocks of childhood

And the past and so on

Because this is considered an external matter

So they like this

The Western cultural mood in general

And this is reflected in his research

This American researcher

Published a very famous book

It is a book about the results of his research.

So concludes that

that the majority of people in crises

overcome this crisis.

This is the fundamental aspect.

Yes, this is the fundamental aspect.

And in the study that he mentioned

he talked about 65% of people who overcome crisis

and I see this varies

according to the power of crises

We can say from 40% to 80%

Of people are able to overcome crises

Do you remember the hadith of the Prophet, peace be upon him?

He says that Allah grants patience

in proportion to the affliction

he grants patience in proportion the affliction.

Meaning that we are not left in this life without tools

We have tools

Allah did not create us and put us in this difficult life

Without tools

Without sources

Without references

No, there are tools

One of the most important tools is patience

If we want to understand the concept of patience

Do we wait for the crisis to pass?

Or is there a deeper understanding of the concept of patience?

This is our job in Islamic psychology

Which is to try to understand patience

To understand satisfaction

And to try to return it to the field of Psychological studies

Because it was left out in the last eras

And we worked a lot on the concept of patience

The concept of satisfaction

The concept of depending on allah

Are these islamic terms that have nothing to do with people's lives?

or are they rooted in heart of people?

So it became clear to us that the terms "patience"

 tranquility

certainty

satisfaction

dependance on allah

sorrowness

accountability

These terms we will try to discuss today as much as possible

What is patience?

Patience is strength

Internal strength

Internal mental strength

It makes a person more able to bear crises

To bear disasters

Even to bear obligations

They say that patience is patience for sin, patience for disaster, patience for obedience

What does this mean?

It means that you have the ability to be patient to go and pray Fajr

To get up and pray Fajr and go and pray in the mosque

For example

So this is patience

an internal strength  that makes you bear these problems

Patience is when you are in a long line of waiting

And you are sitting there without grumbling

Without complaining

your mood doesn't get ruined

you don't complain

You don't shout at people

by saying: "come on, come on!"

"You are late"

No, you are just sitting there patiently 

This is patience

I call it "patience of waiting"

talking of "patience of waiting"

I have expanded this concept a lot

And now I use it in psychological treatment

In psychological diseases

How?

Maybe I will come back to it later

If we come back to how..

For example

because you asked me now

For example

The extreme reactions that come to a person

wether they are sadness, worry or fear

How does a person deal with this?

How?

"Patience of waiting" is the idea that you are sitting

And you have this severe tightness inside or this severe fear

And you are sitting

and you're confronting this problem while being calm and stable

This is "patience of waiting"

it's confrontation with stability together

you shouldn't be afraid

afraid of this depression

Or you are sad because you have depression

Or you are trying to get rid of it as soon as possible.

Look, psychological reactions are magnificent

If you pushed them away..

What do you call it in Kuwait?

"pushing away" or what do you say?

yes pushing away.

"Daffeshha" means you want to get rid of it and push it away -the feeling-

but these feelings don't vanish by pushing them away

So what's the alternative way?

You have to calm down

Calm down?

You have to calm down

You should understand the feeling and talk to it:

"Salam (Peace be upon you)

How are you?"

How do this calmness look like?

It is 

confrontation, by confronting the feeling,

by the patience of waiting, that you confront it

with calmness and tranquility

when being quiet

without sorrowness

without grumpling

without complaining

without rushing to get rid of it

and letting it go,

because if you rush

the reactions are actually,

they are

I mean

of course

they have more than one explanatory model

but one of these explanatory model

is that they are a weak state of the soul

a weak state of the soul

I mean

when the soul is weak; have a bit of mercy on it. 

We have a rule

In our life

In general

that we have to be merciful 

with a weak person

Right?

Right

So if you see someone

limping

will you scream at him

"Run, run"?

No

So, your soul is a priority

Your soul is more important.

Now

Your soul is the priority

When the soul

Is sad

Or afraid

Or worried

Sit

Calm

Patient

resilient

I guarantee you

That

You will notice

That

Sadness

Or fear

Or anxiety

Starts to go down

Little by little.

But how do you train yourself

Doctor?

With time?

Yes

With time?

With time

You practice once

Twice

Three times

I mean

There are many stories

In the clinic

But I don't like to bring stories

From the clinic

But

There are

countless cases

Which have

Symptoms

Either sadness

Or anxiety

Or fear

I ask them to do this exercise

And by the way when we say "patience of waiting"

This is the Islamic version

And it is known

In all cultures

Each culture has

A specific version

Of this type

Of patience

For example

The buddhist mental awakening

Is a type of patience

A buddhist version

Of patience

In the clinic

For example

A person comes

And says

When I feel the sadness

And anxiety

I don't know what to do

And I become nervous

And anxious

And I want the sadness

To go away

So I say

Try another way

Try another way

when the sadness comes to you

try to stand up

or sit

It doesn't matter

If you stand up or sit down

most importantly

you remain steadfast

you confront the sadness,

You feel it

You have to try

Why are you afraid of the experience?

Why are you afraid

To try the sadness?

Try the sadness

try it 

but little by little

with calmness

Don't try it

When you are anxious

Scared

You want it to go away

Try it

when you try it

With patience of waiting

You will notice

That the experience is different

And this is what happens in the clinic

The patient

When they hear this

At the beginning

They say

How can I do this

At home

Try it

Just try it

Try that

When anxiety comes to you,

This fear

For example

when panicking

Or obession over something

obession

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

When this OCD comes to you

it pushes and stresses you

And you are stuck

You don't know what to do

Whether to obey it

Or not

Whether to obey it

Or not

Whether to go and read a "fatwa" (islamic rule) 

Or not

if it is an OCD regarding religious problems

Or other than that

No

let's change the method

let this feeling speak

let it talk

Imagine you are in a gathering 

and someone talks bad about you and your family 

You can either talk to him right?

Right

And you  argue with him

But if you try to be silent

What will happen?

Nothing

This man

will continues talking for a bit

once, twice 

trice, and then he will be quiet, the people around you will respect you for not giving him attention right? The same thing is with your strong feelings, so patience can be practiced in many situation. Being patient in a crisis is an internal ability and capability

which helps us to confront it 

With stability and calmness

without an extreme reaction

without being very disturbed 

And maybe we will come

After a while

to a higher level, a better way of dealing with these feelings

which is being contentment

Maybe we will come to it

throughout this episode.

By this I mean

I mean

How does he move

From just being patient

And stable

Like this

No

To the extent that

He gains feelings

Or reactions

Or good psychological states

Before we start with that

Doctor

If you allow me

Now

I just comment

On the idea of patience

Now

I am thinking

What is the difference between

Patience

with confrontation of

sadness

Than repressing 

the feeling itself?

I mean

Don't you feel

Maybe..

What is the difference between

repression and keeping feelings inside with that?

Repression is a term

That has certain indications

In certain theories

Like analysis theories

Ok

But

The Islamic term is

"restraint"

"restraint"

those who [...] restrain anger"

So there are

To is a level 

of restaining the soul

From showing

The negative part

Of it

to some extent this is accepted

to "restrain anger"

That you restrain your anger

that you don't feel sorrowness

that you restrain

some of the negative reactions

I mean

There are theories

For example

they see

That the solution

is that you always express

They tell you

Express yourself

Express yourself

Or they say

Allow yourself to collapse

Allow yourself to break

No

No

We don't use these terms

What do we say

We say

You

Try your best and resist you souls' negative reactions,

But if it breaks

Have mercy on it

If it breaks

Have mercy

What is the difference between the two

The difference is

The main strategy

Is the main strategy

Patience

Tolerance?

Or is the main strategy

expression

execution?

that I have to take my right.

And this is a big topic

I mean

Are the strategies

That are used generally today

In psychology,

Are they useful

In the end

Or not?

Strategies like

realize yourself

Trust yourself

Express yourself

Allow yourself

I don't know

etc.

These general strategies

In the end

Are they

Now the reality is in front of us

We see

Psychology

Is 150 years old

Is there

In general

The psychological health

Of the societies

That applied this strategy

Were the results

In general

Better

Or worse

I mean

Did this lead

To a decrease

In depression

And anxiety

And OCD?

Anxiety and OCD

have Increased.

Last year

A research was published

a very nice research

And it was written

By great people

In the psychology

Of the west

That

The title of the research was

"More treatment

But not less depression"

That

The treatment increased

But the depression didn't decrease.

Is this because

There is awareness

That people should go to therapy

they discussed this in the research.

They discussed

This

They said

People always say

That awareness increased

But there is no evidence

That this is true

There is no evidence

That this is true

They mentioned

Many reasons

Their vision

Why

Why

If you notice

The numbers

Are the same

From 50 or 60 years

They are the same numbers

For example

We know

In medicine

That

Vaccinations

When they entered

They changed

The map of diseases

In a very large way

Right

We have

Clear statistics

That

vaccinations

When they entered

They changed

The map of diseases

In a very large way

But

When Psychological treatments entered

And psychological medicine

The map of diseases

Did not change

The reason

Is one of two

Either that

Psychological diseases

Are part of human nature

And that

There must be

For example

20 or 30% of humans

Have psychological problems

This is a very strong possibility

And I strongly believe

In this

The second possibility

Is that

If we change

The strategy

It might be better

Instead of

Pressuring

Pressuring

The

The

centrality of Individualism

That

The most important thing

is to spoil yourself

To realize yourself

To trust yourself

To express yourself

To not care about others

The most important thing

Is you

Ok

Does this

Lead to strong results

Or not

In my opinion

This

In the end

Led to a psychological fragility

In the whole generation

The idea became Psychological entitlement

What is this Psychological entitlement?

This is a disaster

That I deserve

To be weak

And I deserve

For people

To empathize with me

And I deserve

For people

Not to blame me

And I deserve

For people

To bear

The disease I have

And not to ask me

And I deserve

For people

Not to ask me

To be patient

And bear

Ok

Is this a good

Strategy

The first possibility

As you mentioned

Is that

Each of us

Is a part of

Each society

Each society

Each society

At least 20%

The society

Not the individuals

The society

Meaning that

There might be

A lower percentage

In the end

Why do you believe in it

Doctor

Let me

Complicate this

Let's assume

That we applied

The best version

Of the Islamic psychology

And there is

An ideal society

Does this mean

That there won't be

Psychological problems

I don't think

This is the answer

You have given

I mean

I am not sure

I am not sure

Are there

Are there

Texts in the Quran

Where you say

For example

If you

If you

If you

Follow Islam

There is no

Sadness

There is no

Loneliness

No worry

Even when

The verses are clear

The texts of conflicting conflicts

" We will test you with some fear,

 and hunger, 

and loss of wealth 

and lives and crops

Meaning

The nature of life must have 20%, 15%  problems. Why? Because if there were zero problems, it would be heaven.

True.

Heaven would have no value. There would be no qualitative change if we moved to heaven.

We digressed on this subjecy, but it was a nice digression. Let's go back to where we were.

We were talking about phsychological building, we said power instead of toughness

I would like to ask you a question. I want to know the habits of people who enjoy the psychological power.

We can start with it at the beginning of the day.

Yes.

Does your behavior at the beginning of the day affect your mental state?

You are trying to pressure me to use trending terms. Let me bring you back to our terms.

I want you to teach me today doctor. 

You have mentioned more than one point. For example, you said that the day you wake up in the morning.

This is a point to discuss. Then you said habits.

Habits, yes.

No, we focus on the attributes.

Attributes.

The psychological attributes.

Ok.

Why don't we say from the day you wake up in the morning? Because it is not because you do something in the morning and you get the result at night.

This is one of the biggest problems of people. They say, give me something and within 24 hours I will get the result.

By the way, maybe this is one of the wrong strategies in psychology.

To deceive people that there are quick solutions. There are no quick solutions.

I mean, doctor, you can do something in the morning that affects your mood and affects the whole day.

Yes, this is based on, again, focusing on the issue of reactions.

Yes.

But no, psychological building is broader than just reactions.

Psychological building, we have five components.

The first one is the side of high perceptions.

In which faith enters, and understanding of life, understanding of this world, understanding of the hereafter, understanding of why you exist in this world,

and understanding of the role of religion in your life, and when you use religion, when you don't use it, and so on.

and here worship enters too etc.

The second one is the main psychological characteristics.

We call it the main psychological characteristics.

We believe that there are main psychological characteristics.

If it formed with you when you were young, and it grew up with you, this is the best weapon with you.

And it grows with time.

The main psychological characteristics, we divided them into seven main areas.

But they revolve around patience, and the branches of patience.

They revolve around contentment, and the branches of contentment. 

They revolve around strength, and reliance on allah, and will, and determination, and seeking help from allah, and their many branches.

They revolve around not being sad, and grumpling, and complaining, and their many branches.

They revolve around hope, and optimism, and their many branches.

They revolve around reason, and wisdom, and so on.

These are the main characteristics.

Of course, there is a branch that is supposed to be started by the parents.

There is a branch that is started by the school, and there is a branch that is started by the society.

The society now has become stronger than the house.

How?

The social media society.

It has become stronger than the house.

It is stronger than the school.

It is stronger than anything.

So, it raises you on many psychological things.

For example, I think that a big part of the reasons for the rise in marital problems

came from the media.

Because it changed the stereotypical image of the husband and the wife.

It changed the expectations of life.

It raised the demands.

These three are disasters.

So, every man has a certain stereotypical image of the woman from what he sees.

And every woman has a certain stereotypical image of the man from what she sees.

And this does not exist in reality.

This does not represent one percent of the reality.

You know, these people dress up and make up and laugh with each other.

but you will find them after the episode, they hit each other with the ...

What do you call it?

With the ... whip?

Right.

So, they show the best of what they have.

And it raised the level of expectations.

For example, many, but I do not want to mention a specific case.

Many cases come to the clinic.

That his expectations of this life are a bit strange.

Like what?

For example, his expectations are strange.

He thinks that is supposed that this life is 1+1=2.

So, when I am a person who prays and fasts then my life is supposed to be good.

But wait a minute.

Who told you that the goal of faith is to have a good life?

The goal of faith is to help you.

The main goal of faith is to have a good afterlife.

And faith helps you in this worldly life to live a good life.

So, if you pray and fast to have a contractual relationship with God.

I worship you, but you see, fix my life.

I mean, this is not one of the things that God Almighty can provide you with if you prayed and fasted.

Maybe he will and maybe not. 

Look, if you notice the story of the companions of the Prophet (PBUH).

A large part of them did not realize these great victories.

They did not see the glory of Islam.

Many of them died in Mecca.

Many of them died in Medina before the opening of Islam in it.

Even those who lived after the opening did not realize the enormity of these great victories.

So, it is not necessary that what you want in this world is fulfilled in this world.

The problem is that when you have a condition.

I have a lot of such people in my clinic.

They call me and say, we came to you because you have an Islamic knowledge.

Okay, so what is needed from me?

I have depression although I pray and fast.

Why? God should not give me this.

He has an equation.

True.

I worship you, you fix my life.

If you did not fix my life, then what is the benefit of worship.

So, it is understood that worship, obedience, and faith are for the benefit of improving the life.

But, is not part of worship to reach a stage where you reach?

The good life.

The good life.

Look, there is a difference between.

We always hear that there are poor people and their life is good.

How does this come?

How does this come?

This is what we are talking about.

We have the basic psychological characteristics.

Patience, contentment.

Patience, contentment, reliance, optimism, no sorrowness.

It has nothing to do with the standard of living.

It can come from a very poor person and it can come from a very rich person.

What is the good life in your definition?

The good life has many definitions.

But, in our understanding, in our attempts to define it.

The good life is a balance of good inner psychological states.

Which includes the broad concept of inner psychological states.

You see, inner psychological states are not only limited to emotions.

Sadness, fear, anxiety.

No, there are many other states.

For example, contentment.

Inner psychological states.

Contentment with Allah.

Calmness with Allah.

Reliance with Allah.

This is if a person is a believer.

By the way, there are mental states that exist even among non-believers.

But, the believers are more fortunate.

For example, there are non-believers who have calmness and serenity.

Where does this come from?

There are two types.

This is a very well-known base in all psychological attributes.

learned or innate.

Innate is that my Lord created him like this.

Learned is that he worked hard and worked on me.

For example, the concept of serenity.

I am angry.

I am angry.

My Lord created me like this.

I can't.

Come here.

The one who created you.

He sent a prophet.

This prophet said,

"forbearance only comes by cultivating forbearance"

The Messenger of Allah said,

"forbearance only comes by cultivating forbearance"

''And whoever cultivates patience, Allah will make him patient.''

What does this mean?

It means that no one can say,

''I can't change my psychological attributes.''

You may not change some of the attributes that distinguish people from each other.

I mean, this person has a certain nature and that person has a certain nature.

But, the bad attributes,

Of course, a person can change them.

Maybe, I can't change them 100%.

For example, a person who is angry,

hot blooded,

and like an exposed electric wire,

If there is a drop of water,

it is exposed shocks others.

This person may not return calm,

calm,

100%.

But, I can improve him by 70% or 60%.

He can control his emotions.

We have a number that we always repeat.

It is 60%.

60% or 65%.

Even in foreign research,

we always say that 65% is the number that people can improve.

For example, 65% of people with depression can be improved.

65% of people can change their psychological attributes.

This is the second pillar of the phsychological building: psychological attributes.

We are still in the psychological building.

The third pillar is the relationships.

How do you build your relationships with others?

We have 9 components for relationships.

The first one is to build the relationship.

What is your level of integration with others?

Are you a social person?

People say that I am a social person.

This is a common term.

Are you a social person or a non-social person?

Then, the balance of power between you and others.

Are you a strong person or a weak person in the relationship?

or do you understand relationships in a correct way?

That relationships do not have power and weakness.

but rather we build relationships to achieve common interests. 

When there is harm from the other party,

without exaggeration,

I can say that

20% of the patients I have in my clinic, and I think with my colleagues too,

are caused by harm from the other party.

What can affect the relationship that it reaches a point where they come to the clinic?

This is the question.

Who should the psychological speech be directed to?

Should it be directed to the harmful person? that you should not harm other people?

Or should it be directed to the victim?

To the one harmed,

that please "change your way of dealing with it."

Some people say,

if someone is harming you,

leave them and ignore them.

If you ignore one, two or three people,

do you want to ignore the whole world?

The problem is that if you improve your way of dealing with harm,

you can improve the situation.

There is harm,

for example,

when I say to a victim,

I say,

this life is not good like that,

it is better to divorce.

There are cases like this,

but this does not represent the bigger picture.

The bigger picture is the person who is harmed

by the word,

by the comment,

by the person who said this or that,

by the person who invited me and that person who didn't,

by the person who did this or that,

by the person who cares about me or not.

This is one of the  problems of strategic speech.

That you have the right that people care about you.

What are the consequences of this?

deservance?

Yes, deservance,

raising your demands.

When you raise your demands,

you have to respect me,

you shouldn't bully me.

Unfortunately, bullying has become the opposite today.

How?

Firstly, it is good to be aware

that we should not be rude.

but what happened?

What happened is that this generation

is not able to bear

even the slightest word.

This is unacceptable.

Yes, but life is not like that.

Life is not like that.

Life is that

we address the harming person

and tell him to be polite.

There are a lot of texts in Islam

specifically about morals.

The Prophet said

in the Hadiths

that there are two types of people.

A person who fasts and prays

but hurts people with his tongue.

And a person who does his duties

but prays less than others,

fasts less than others,

but holds his tongue.

In the hereafter, they are all the same

with Allah.

In Islam, the Hadith is very clear

in addressing the harming person

that hold your tongue back,

do not harm people,

do not harm the servants of Allah.

This is a very clear statement.

And that the one who harms the believers

has a severe punishment from Allah.

But at the same time,

there is an equal and equally

important speech that you have to be patient.

Why do you have to be patient?

Because this life is not a dream.

This life is a reality.

That life is full

of people who

may come to you at the traffic light, right?

You may be inside a grocery store

and someone comes to harm you.

You may be at work.

If you have a policy that

just other people have to improve

and no one should

harm me,

at home,

neighbors, school, mosque,

neighborhood, street, work,

you can't.

So this may lead to

a psychological damage

so that someone comes to you to the clinic

and says, why did someone do this to me?

A lot. A lot.

A lot. A lot.

I have people who are exposed to harm in two ways.

One,

there is a clear harm,

and it may be the best

to separate or distance yourself

from the source of the harm.

The other group, no.

People call him sensitive.

And I think

this is more.

I think his proportion in life

is more. The sensitive person

is one of the things

that if he improved

his skills

or abilities in

relationships,

he wouldn't have come to us.

Do you think that his relationship with himself

needs a kind of correction?

How can he say this to me?

If someone said something to me,

is my relationship with myself,

the conversation with myself,

can it lead me to make the problem bigger?

This is one of the ways

to understand this problem.

that this is a bad speech to himself.

But in our way,

we say that this psychological

trait has the trait of complainig.

The trait of complaining.

The trait of anger.

Why do we focus on these traits?

Because the characteristic of focusing on

these traits is that they are

long-lasting.

They build.

And if you worked on it and started,

and succeeded in building this trait,

it will stay with you for a long time.

Because if you focus on the traits

and focus on the speech

to solve the problem,

yes, it is true that the results

may be short-lived.

But if you worked on the trait

that I have the trait of

destruction and complaining.

We always say,

starting from the roots,

that you have the trait

of destruction,

complaining,

anger,

and any word

that may affect you.

If you know this trait,

work on it.

And if you worked on it,

you will notice a big difference

in your life.

I mean, people who...

We have a program

called the Good Self Program.

People take courses,

a long series of six months.

Why six months?

Because we believe that you

should work on yourself.

I always say, work on yourself.

So, six months,

I mean,

after every six months,

the expressions of the audience

that I have changed.

That there has been a change.

I mean, I worked on...

Of course, we start

a person knows his psychological traits

and then he starts working on them.

He works on them one by one.

Of course, he will not be able to finish all the traits.

and it is not expected.

There is a famous expression

in the ancient Islamic psychology,

in the first, second, and third centuries,

that says, I worked on this trait

for forty years,

but it didn't fade away.

And this is true.

There are traits that remain with you.

They have not changed. No problem.

No one asks you to become

like Abu Bakr or Omar

from the second or third day.

Right.

No one asks you to do this.

Even Abu Bakr and Omar.

Look,

when the Prophet was comparing

Abu Bakr and Omar,

he was not discussing the religious side,

but the psychological side.

The psychological traits in Omar,

may Allah be pleased with him,

and the psychological traits in Abu Bakr,

may Allah be pleased with him.

Did the Prophet say,

and yet they are both the best,

when you see them

from far away, you see that each one is different than the other, 

and yet they are both the best. 

Did the Prophet say to Abu Bakr,

you're not good

you must become like Omar?

Did the Prophet say to Omar,

you're not good

you must become like Abu Bakr?

No.

You are like Moses,

or like Abraham,

you are closer to Moses

or closer to Abraham.

and this is the difference between people.

We don't have a problem with this level

of difference in peoples' traits.

But what do we have a problem with?

The main traits,

patience, contentment,

reliance on allah

not being sorrow

Let's talk about the traits,

let's talk about patience.

Let's continue,

but let's go back to the first one.

The first one is the high perceptions,

faith, worship, and so on.

The second is the main psychological traits.

The third is relationships.

The fourth is life,

happiness, and success.

Understanding life, understanding happiness,

understanding success.

We found that

the wrong definitions of life and its' purpose,

the wrong definitions of happiness and its' purpose

the wrong definitions of success and its' purpose,

have a very negative effect

on the psychological side.

What are the wrong and right definitions?

For example,

the definition of life,

as we said before,

that life must be beautiful,

that life must be perfect.

What does life have to be doctor, you tell me?

Life,

look,

there is not a single image of life

that is the best image.

You,

you work hard,

you strive,

and you try to achieve success in life.

You try to get into a good university,

or you try to get into a good business,

and you succeed in business,

in your job, in your university,

and you achieve your goals.

So what happens?

You may achieve what you want,

or you may not achieve what you want.

In both cases,

whether you achieve what you want,

or you don't achieve what you want,

in both cases,

there is something very important.

If you achieve what you want,

you must be thankful,

you must be content,

and you must not be arrogant.

If you don't achieve what you want,

life won't be the way you want it to be.

Life won't be the way you want it to be.

You put certain things in your mind,

and life won't be the way you want it to be.

And there are people like that,

where life didn't become the way they wanted to.

So what is the solution?

You must be patient,

you must look,

maybe you are wrong,

maybe,

there is a side that has to do with the work you did

maybe you did the wrong things,

and you are trying to fix it.

But today, we don't want to focus on the administrative side,

we want to focus on the psychological side.

On the psychological side,

maybe when life is not the way you want it to be,

you need to activate

different qualities

than the qualities of the people whose lives was like they wanted it to be. 

For these people, they must activate

the qualities of gratitude,

and not to be arrogant,

and do good to others,  

and to have mercy on others,

and not to be arrogant,

and so on.

You must activate the qualities of patience,

contentment,

and faith in goodness,

and that life is not the way you want it to be.

There are many people

whose life is not the way they want it to be.

So,

I can say,

70% of people

whose life is not the way they want it to be,

do not come to the clinic.

30% of people

whose life is not the way they want it to be,

do come to repentance.

And I was eager to understand

why all of them have the same things,

why all of them

do not have the life they want it to be,

and are still leading their life normally.

The initial conclusion

is one of two things.

Either, as Al-Mutanabbi said,

The intellectual struggles while blessed

And the ignorant is blessed while struggling

This person is cold-hearted,

and does not analyze or think.

if this was written for me then let it be,

and his life goes on.

And this can exist.

He is a person who does not care

this may not be called "psychological power" but 

rather a trait in him

which made him careless.

This is what Al-Mutanabbi said.

Sometimes,

his circumstances are difficult,

but he does not care,

so he benefits psychologically.

Allah blessed him.

Allah blessed him with ignorance.

The second possibility?

The second possibility is that

he has the qualities of patience,

contentment, accountability,

waiting for the reward of the Hereafter,

not to complain.

When he has these qualities,

he looks at this life

as a choice of Allah.

What does the word "khira" (the best decision) mean?

It means that

Allah Almighty chose this for me.

I tried, I worked hard,

but things did not go the way I wanted.

Allah chose this for me.

Allah Almighty is wise,

merciful, and just.

Of course, there is wisdom,

and there is benefit,

which we may come to at the end of the interview,

that always,

in difficult situations,

if you can benefit from it,

psychologically,

then Allah.

Even if you do not benefit

from it,

in solving the problem,

or improving the problem,

but you come out of the crisis

stronger, harder,

and better, then Allah.

This is the meaning that

these people who

did not come to this world,

and yet their psyches are excellent,

what did they do?

They activated very important qualities,

starting from the five components

in the psychological field.

They understand the concept of

higher perceptions,

that we are human beings

created in this life,

and the main goal in this life

is the worship of Allah Almighty.

In this life, we live on earth

as much as we can.

Some of us may succeed,

and some of us may not.

Some of us may achieve their goals in life,

and some of us may not.

Thre is no problem.

We should strive.

The important thing is not to lose the hereafter.

This image is clear to him.

For him, all these events are

events on the way of travel.

He is going from Kuwait to Mecca,

for example, and on the way,

the car breaks down,

the battery breaks down,

the radiator breaks down,

and every 100 km,

he has a problem,

and he runs out of gas.

But he knows that

in the end, he wants to go to Mecca.

This big perception

that controls you,

that you are living in this life,

and you may achieve your goals,

and you may not,

if you have achieved your goals,

and this is what is required.

We are asked to build the earth.

We are asked to build the earth,

but people do not need you

to remind them of the building of the earth.

They are busy with it.

You just need to remind them

of something they always forget,

which is that you must not forget

that you are going to Mecca.

Your goal in the end is Mecca,

and your goal in the end is the hereafter.

If you thought about this,

all these difficulties will disappear.

Even people who are going to Mecca,

or to any other region,

let's fix it until we reach Mecca,

and then we will see what happens.

Right?

This is the fourth axis,

the axis of life, happiness,

and success.

For example, happiness.

I have talked a lot about the psychology of

coffee shops

The psychology of coffee shops.

What is it?

That the only source of happiness

is the material source of happiness.

The material source of happiness.

Money, travel,

money, coffee,

coffee.

The material source of happiness

is the physical source of happiness.

What happens then?

What happens is that you have deprived

yourself of the source of happiness.

You have recognized the source of happiness

as something wrong.

What is the source of happiness,

according to your understanding?

Happiness, we know happiness

is a good psychological state

with diverse sources.

I focus a lot on the issue of

diverse sources of happiness.

Why?

Because if you only focus on one source,

which is the source that

life must be beautiful,

or else you will not be happy.

But we know that at least 20-30% of people

will not have a beautiful life

according to the material standard.

There must be diversity in the sources of happiness.

What are the other sources of happiness?

They are the sources of spirituality,

faith, love for people,

and other simple things.

There is no need for happiness

to be a five-star

to spread happiness.

One of the problems,

one of the clear connections

between the luxury life and the level of happiness.

What happens?

This paradox is very famous.

It is even known in most researches

that there is a certain plateau,

a certain ceiling

that a person reaches.

Let's take one standard

of the material sources of money.

Money gives you happiness or pleasure.

By the way, the Qur'an uses

pleasure, not happiness.

When it used happiness once in the Qur'an,

it was about the Hereafter.

The Qur'an always uses it as pleasure.

The world is a pleasure,

and they enjoyed their lives,

"They had enjoyed their portion awhile, so enjoy your portion awhile as those before you enjoyed their portion awhile"

Enjoyment and pleasure

are the appropriate terms.

But we discuss happiness and pleasure

in the same sense.

Can we say that happiness is permanent

and not connected to reality.

Some people differentiate between

happiness and pleasure.

They say that happiness is broader and bigger and pleasure is not.

I think that they are synonyms of each other.

This is a philosophical discussion

that may not be discussed today.

The question is,

do you have money?

Money gives you happiness or pleasure?

okay.

If you got more money, 

you may get a little happier.

Let's take the system of hotels.

One star or two stars

is good.

It's better than a star.

It's more comfortable,

and the service is better.

Three stars? No, it's better.

Four stars? here we enter the luxury

Five stars? like the hotel you booked for me to stay in.

It's like a hotel,

and you are staying in it. May God reward you with goodness.

That is less than your worth doctor.

Five stars, and people serve you well.

The problem with five stars is

that when I go on a second trip

and stay in a hotel with four stars,

oh my God!

Four stars turned out to be very bad.

So, money and materialistic things

in general,

the materialistic source of happiness

makes you higher and higher

and then you achieve

a concept that we know

in psychology,

which is closeness.

You close.

Early satiety and closure

of sources of hapiness.

If you took three stars,

which were two years ago

the source of hapiness,

now it's not a source of hapiness. 

What happens?

Why is the luxury always connected?

Why does the Quran always talk about luxury

from a negative point of view?

Of course, there is a religious aspect

that the people who live a luxurious life  may have a lower

percentage of faith than the non-luxury

Or the percentage of obedience and commitment

may be lower.

But for me, psychologically,

the luxury makes you not patient.

It makes you not bear.

It makes you be arrogant.

The luxury, extravagance..

Let's get out of the luxury part.

Because not all people are on that side.

Let's talk about ordinary people.

Even, for example,

this speech

is not directed to the Gulf countries.

Even to the rest of the Arab countries

where some may have a higher standard of living

and some may have a lower one.

I think these principles apply to any country,

whether it is a rich or poor country.

Because these psychological attributes

are not related to the standard of living

that you live.

It is your psychological building.

For example,

there are old studies,

which were published in 1995,

a little before 2000,

comparing poor Indians

with rich Americans.

The researches are published in this.

There is no difference in the standards of happiness.

This study has been repeated many times.

In the end, they came out with a graph

that there is a difference in the first level.

If you are less than a certain line,

you may not be able to buy food,

you may not be able to live,

you may not be able to sleep,

you may not be able to get treatment for your children.

There is a certain line,

less than it,

where money is very important

to achieve happiness and psychological comfort.

After this line,

it really rises.

Then, it is strange that it does not rise.

It rises like this.

It rises like a bell.

Then it rises a point,

and then it starts to fall.

Why does it fall?

This line is the line of money.

Money has increased,

but happiness has not increased.

Why?

it getting less, declining, because of many reasons,

like we said, closeness.

Is psychological affliction because of luxury is 

the same as the psychological affliction

of the person who didn't

get the life he wanted?

Psychological affliction,

as you said,

there are duties for both sides.

The one whose life did not go the way he wanted,

he has to be patient

and bear.

And the person who had the luxury, 

and succeeded in his plan,

and had a commercial project,

for example,

he has a psychological responsibility.

Can we say this is psychological affliction

and this is psychological affliction too?

The concept of affliction in the Qur'an

and the concept of sedition

are strange.

Because the affliction people live in

and the sedition between people

is usually an affliction of being poor,

Right?

But no.

The affliction in the Qur'an

may be,

in the general concept of Islam,

the affliction of the blessed and the rich.

In Surah Al-Fajr, for example.

And as for man, when his Lord tries him and [thus] is generous to him 

and favors him, he says,

 "My Lord has honored me."

This is affliction i am talking about.

So if Allah was generous to youm 

it may be psychological affliction, 

Right.

The affliction may be

in the sense that

Allah has given you life

whatever you want.

If you want a successful project,

Allah has given you a successful project.

And then, that's it?

You don't work on your psychological building?

Only those who have psychological problems should work on themselves?

No.

No, no.

the occurence of psychological affliction is 

for everyone, whether they have psychological problems

or not.

Because it helps in psychological building.

He is the one who guides you in this life,

whether it is a good life,

or a bad life.

This life came or went

according to his will,

and the second life did not come according to his will.

Psychological building is required in both cases.

The fifth, the last one,

we talked about psychological building

and now we are talking about the fifth.

The fifth is

what we discussed today,

which is crises.

How do you act in times of crises?

If you,

these five components,

if these five components in your psychological building,

from the day you are young,

and your parents work on you,

the school works on you, the media works on you,

the society works on you,

I believe that

the psychological health rate

will increase,

and the psychological illness rate will decrease.

In societies,

who adopt this psychological strategy. 

The fifth component is left,

we talked about happiness,

or is there a fifth?

We said them at the beginning, 

the first is the perception, faith, worship,

the main psychological characteristics,

relationships,

life, happiness, success,

and the fifth is crises.

Dealing with crises, or disasters.

I want to finish the characteristics,

because dealing with crises

is very important to me today.

You talked to me about patience,

so I want to talk about,

you mentioned contentment and reliance on allah,

but you told me that

contentment is the level after patience.

Yes, I mean,

what is the difference between

patience and contentment?

There are many very nice words

in the words of those who care about the psychological side.

Patience

is

the lowest level.

That you can stand

and endure,

but it is not necessary

to be 100% positive.

Contentment

is what makes the bitter patience sweet.

Because it adds

a mental addition to patience.

So, contentment

is a higher level than patience.

That is why they say that contentment is not obligatory.

Patience is obligatory.

Patience in return for

suffering and suffering is obligatory.

But contentment is not obligatory.

Contentment is a higher level.

What does it mean that it is not obligatory?

It means that not everyone can do it.

But if people practice it,

they can do it.

What is contentment in your defintion?

Contentment is a psychological state

whether

in dealing with crises

or

in grace,

in the time of grace

and in the time of grace.

Because contentment is needed in grace too, 

is a feeling of

gratitude

and thanking allah for them. 

and gratification.

There are people

who have good things and are not content.

Contentment

is a good psychological state

from the good

inner psychological states.

It includes

calmness,

tranquility,

and the inner feeling

that

this state

is excellent

and good

whether

it is a crisis

or a crisis.

How can I be satisfied with a crisis?

I am trying to understand.

How can I be satisfied with a crisis?

For example,

let's say

a person

who lost his business.

There is an example

that I always use.

It is the example of a sinking ship.

A person

has a business.

A ship is coming.

This ship

sank.

But with the sinking,

a piece of information came to him.

What?

The person who was told about the sinking

was told another piece of information.

He was laughing and happy.

What do you think

this piece of information could be?

It could be that the ship sank,

but there is another

business deal coming

much bigger than it.

Or

it is true that

the ship sank,

but let's say

it is a clothing line.

When we change a clothing line,

we get electronics.

There is a market.

There is a project.

There is a blessing.

Notice with me.

If he did not know this piece of information

when he heard

about the sinking,

he might be upset and angry.

It is a disaster.

What happened?

Why was he satisfied?

because he knew that in this disaster,

there is a good thing coming.

There is a better thing than it.

There is a certain benefit.

This disaster, although it seems bad,

but there is a certain good coming.

This good could be in this world

or in the hereafter.

This is the characteristic of a believer.

The characteristic of a believer is always the third dimension.

Or even the fourth dimension of thinking. 

That is, the things that we can achieve

in this world, by permission of Allah,

will be achieved in the hereafter.

This dimension does not exist in a non-believer.

This is a characteristic.

Because the one who is satisfied,

by the way, can be satisfied even by non-believers.

But the characteristic of the believer's satisfaction

is that there is another dimension of time.

That is, there is a compensation

that will be in the hereafter.

The Islamic psychology

can never be separated from the concept of the hereafter.

It is not possible.

It is connected in a very large way.

If you understand the hereafter

and its meaning,

and that it is the stage

that is the life itself.

It is the life itself, as it is mentioned in the Qur'an.

It is the complete life.

This makes you,

even in the small or big disasters in your life

that you are on the path of travel.

We are walking, and then,

God willing, the next one will be bigger.

Satisfaction is your feeling

or your inner feeling

that there is good in the matter.

There is a certain benefit in the matter.

There is faith in wisdom.

Faith in allah's wisdom.

Once, a patient came to me.

I am trying to hold my tears.

Once, a patient came to me.

She was carrying a baby stroller.

A baby stroller.

But there was a very big person in it.

I found out that he was about 12 or 13 years old.

He was born with a congenital disability.

During birth,

he lacked oxygen or any other reason.

So, he had a complete disability.

He was 12 years old.

She was suffering a lot.

I felt pity for her.

I said,

May God bless this child.

May God grant her patience.

May God grant her patience.

She said,

No.

This child is a blessing.

Yes.

This child is good.

I left him.

We learn from them.

They are a school.

How is he good?

She said,

Ow, this child, 

he is the one who made me wake up at night to pray,

I learned a lot

about the meaning of the names of allah and his 

attributes

through this child.

When we say,

In the name of God, the most gracious, the most merciful

Why the the most gracious, the most merciful?

Why do we say it when we want to do anything? 

The mind says, that instead of

"the most gracious, the most merciful" 

We say,

In the name of God, the Powerful, the Mighty

because we want to work and do something now.

Why the most gracious, the most merciful?

So that a person is not deceived.

So that he knows that

he is always in need of God's mercy.

He is always in need of

God's mercy.

She said,

This child is good.

He is the one who taught me

the meaning of the late night prayer, 

and allah's names and his attributes. 

He is the one who made me read the Qur'an.

He is the one who made me go to Mekkah to practice Umrah a lot. 

This is contentment.

It is more than patience.

The disaster

was an opportunity and a reason

to enter

psychological and mental states

that were new to her.

She could not have entered

without this disaster and crisis.

This is common among people.

It is common among people

that

crises

strengthen them.

Crises

change some of their

psychological attributes.

But there are people who feel

that the crisis has brought them closer to God.

They say, where was I

before the crisis?

Some people say,

Yes, this is the basis

of psychological balance.

This is the basis

of psychological balance.

Now,

there is an saying, 

by Al-Hassan Al-Basri i think,

who says,

people are still hidden

until the crisis comes

and their truths are revealed.

Someone may say,

the crisis has come and I discovered

that I am not worth it.

No, brother.

No.

You were

hidden behind the veil of Allah

and you lived happily

and you were not patient

and you complained.

There is no problem. Stop for a second.

You need self-accounting

but you do not need

self-bashing.

You do not need self-bashing.

because if you bash yourself more than necessary

especially during crises,

your soul has had  enough.

You need self-accounting

and self-struggle

and you seek Allah's help

and by Allah's will,

this crisis

gives you a chance to

improve.

There were gaps in psychological balance

that were not revealed.

This crisis

gave you a chance

to see yourself and your reality

and work on it.

You do not see yourself and your reality

and you blame it because it doesn't need more blaming.

Doctor, there are people

during crises,

we talked about contentment

Before I talk about dependance on allah,

there are people

or no let's talk about the reliance on allah, 

so that we then talk about crises

but I want to talk about relying on Allah

What is relying on Allah in practical terms?

There is a difference

between

individual strategies.

You are strong

in individual strategies.

You are a hero.

Realize yourself.

Problem solving.

In the Islamic concept,

there is no such thing.

Islam is based on the strategy of

seeking help.

Allah Almighty

is the one who

brings tranquility to you.

He is the one who brought tranquility to you.

For example, the verses

about comforting of the hearts.

Whether it was

in the battle of

Badr or Uhud,

Allah Almighty comforted the hearts of the believers.

In the story of the mother of Moses,

Allah comforted her heart.

Do you know

what the meaning of

the comforting the heart means?

You have a bag, for example,

and you put it on top of the car.

It shakes.

You fasten it to make it stable.

This is comforting the heart.

It becomes stable.

It does not shake,

or be afraid,

until it becomes stable.

This is the meaning of the comforting the heart.

So what happens?

When the general strategy

in psychology

is that you are a hero, you are capable,

and you realize yourself,

on the other hand, you say,

no, take actions, but  seek help from Allah.

Do not be arrogant.

This is where the relying on allah comes.

What does this mean?

It means that I take action,

but I know that the one who will

achieve the results is Allah Almighty.

I do not become fooled or deceived by myself.

I do not see myself

as the best person.

Once I heard

an interview with a businessman.

Was he a businessman?

No, he was a journalist.

He said that he had planned this stage of my life

ten years ago.

How is this possible?

to this extent,

I knew where I was going.

Ten years ago. 

The major strategies in countries

used to say 50 years,

then they reduced it to one year.

There is nothing,

no one can predict.

This is arrogance.

"No! [But] indeed, man transgresses / Because he sees himself self-sufficient."

This self-sufficiency,

when a man is so sufficient that the says

I do not need Allah.

Psychology does not need religion.

Unfortunately,

there is a recurring discussion

that religion should not be included

in psychology.

How can religion not be included

in psychology?

The soul cannot be separated from religion.

This is an example.

They believe that religion

when it is included in psychology

We hold people and say,

get up and pray.

This is ignorance in their understanding

of the relationship between religion

and psychology.

What does reliance on allah mean?

that I do not become arrogant.

that my culture is not individualistic.

centrality of man.

No, it is the centrality of Allah,

not the centrality of man.

So i take actions, and strive for what i want.

At the same time,

I am relying on Allah.

I know that Allah is the greater.

He is the cause of all causes.

At the same time,

I expect Allah's reward.

I expect Allah's reward

for the calamity that comes to me.

I expect His reward

even "the pricking of a thorn"

What does this mean?

You are rewarded for everything.

But when will you be rewarded?

This is a debate that jurists discuss.

Is the reward obtained

just by the presence

of crisis,

or does the person have to be

accounted for his patience etc.?

In my opinion,

if he did not seek the reward from allah

then he won't be  rewarded.

I do not know.

I am not trying to interpret it in place of Allah, 

But I understand that

if the person did not seek reward and thought about patience and so on,

then it is not rewarded.

What is the psychological benefit

of the reward?

What does it mean to be patient in order to be rewarded by God?

being patient and seeking reward

but what is the difference between patience and seeking reward?

I see them both the same.

No, no, no.

The reward is

to account for something.

What do you account for? time. 

You live in this time.

But you have other accounts

in another time

that does not exist.

You do not see it.

But you know that

there is another time

and there are other accounts.

You are waiting for the reward

to be accounted for

not only in this time,

but also in the far future.

These are a group of people

who went to the desert and got lost

in the night.

They walked and walked until

their strength was exhausted.

Then they saw the lights of the cars

far away.

Do they not get motivation?

Why do they get motivation?

They get hope.

Because they have this hope

that they saw something

in the near future

and it is far away.

They see its effects

and they get motivated.

They get excited and run

until they reach the light.

This is the same calculation.

You are always prepared

for these calamities and crises

that will come to you.

These are all calculated.

God does not forget anything.

People always say that

Nothing is lost with Allah.

What does it mean Nothing is lost with Allah?

It is seeking reward, 

The reward is written for you.

Let's go back to reliance on Allah.

Reliance is the Islamic way

of solving problems.

There is a way to solve problems

where you write the problem,

its causes, causes and solutions

and you choose between them.

Where is God in all these equations?

In our view,

we always say that

the Islamic concepts

are present

in most of our behaviors.

For example,

instead of calling it

"problem solving"

we do not like problems at all.

We seek the causes and take action.

We seek the causes.

We rely on God.

We hope that God will

achieve what we want.

But we do act better than

God.

I had a patient

who was highly educated.

She spent 

a large part of her life

in the West.

She was depressed.

We were implementing

this technique of

problem solving. 

I felt that she was nice.

I told her that

we should focus on

the issue of relying on God

and relying on God

and not just solving problems.

Then the next session came.

I do not forget this situation.

She might hear us today, 

I greet her, good afternoon

Do you upload this episode night or during the day?

at night we film, and upload during the day, you can say good morning and afternoon,  

May God bless her.

She used to say

i was thinking about what you said a lot,

you are right, we put a burden on ourselves

if we put everything on ourselves.

True.

No, not everything is on you.

You are a hero.

You are capable.

 God will help you, and strengthen you.

"So be patient.

Your patience is only from Allah."

"Allah keeps firm those who believe"

What does this mean?

It means that

patience,

reliance

and strength come from God.

You feel that

you do not need anything, like the one who said that psychology

does not need any religion in it. 

How can it not need 

 religion?

In the simplest of things,

when I seek the cause,

don't i need Allah in that? 

I rely on him and ask him for help.

This is religion.

What does the entry of religion mean

in psychology?

In everyday practices,

I reinforce

psychological science

by adding religious concepts.

I add strength to psychological science

by adding religious concepts

that people use

as a source of addition

and strength.

Tools.

Very important tools.

The term tools

is an administrative term.

Reliance means

that you seek the cause.

But you do not worry about

who will solve the problem because it is not your duty to solve the problem.

You worry?

Yes, worry.

I want to talk about worrying.

Do you say worrying in saudi too?

yes 

Anxiety, that for example someone waits for a result of something.

We are entering the topic of the crisis itself.

He is waiting for a result.

He is waiting for certain news.

He is waiting for a judgment.

Even if it is a medical result.

He is thinking about

what might happen.

The result might be this or that.

The situation in his mind might get worse.

What tools should we use in this case?

There are many tools.

There are short-term tools

and long-term tools.

There are many short-term tools.

One of the most famous is the

rational knowledge version.

It is about rationality.

It is an Epicuric concept.

in times of crisis.

With rationality

and mathematical calculations,

I calculate the situation in a certain way.

What is the evidence

that what I am afraid of might happen?

What are the other possibilities?

It is a rational way.

It is useful.

It achieves results.

You can also use

other long-term tools.

One of the long-term tools

is the concept of surrender.

What is anxiety?

What are we worried about?

We are worried

that things

will not be

as we like and want.

But we know that things

might happen

contrary to what we like and want.

Of course,

this is how life works.

A person who is worried

does not realize

that many things

must happen in life.

We cannot control them.

If you work

on this long-term field,

you need to work on short-term things.

There are many solutions

to the issue of worry

in short-term solutions.

Working on a long-term level

is one of the most important things.

There are two subjects in particular.

The subject of tranquility

and the subject of surrender.

Tranquility means that you learn

in moments of worry

the skill of tranquility

or the ability of tranquility.

Tranquility means that

in moments of worry,

do not be surprised by things.

I always like to link

existing things in life.

For example,

if something happens in mall and there is chaos everywhere

and you find someone

who is calm,

how can you be calm?

Can we acquire

this quality or not?

We can acquire it.

My father, may God have mercy on him,

had this quality.

He had this quality.

In times of crisis,

we lived a good life

with God's blessings.

But there are things

like my older sister,

may God have mercy on her,

who died of cancer.

she had it for 13 years

and she was young.

I was older than her.

I was in the medical school

and I had a hard time there.

My father had this quality.

He had this quality.

May God have mercy on them all.

Now,

I understood

the meaning of calmness from my father.

Is it possible that

in moments of disturbing news

I remain calm?

By the way,

calmness has levels.

You may not be able to reach

some very high levels

of calmness,

but you can achieve 60%

of calmness.

The number we mentioned earlier,

60-70%.

and can you learn this? yes of course.

That's why we have a program

of calmness

for 5 weeks.

One person enters

this program

and God willing,

it will be uploaded on our website soon.

The idea is very simple.

Many of the psychological skills

have an abstract dimension.

Calmness,

satisfaction,

and patience.

Experienced people always say

that these concepts must be tried

in order to understand them.

Why 5 weeks?

I could have given them a week

because they must try once,

twice, three times,

four times, and learn.

I can tell you that

at least 60-70% of people

will improve.

What is the idea of calmness?

How do we achieve it?

Are there practices?

Yes, calmness is based on

a number of paths.

The first thing to learn is

that calmness can be achieved.

This is the most important thing.

Many people say

that I disagree. 

They say that

they cannot achieve calmness.

They think they lack

some of the psychological skills to gain or get rid of some qualities.

We work on this a lot.

Some people say that after 35 years

it is difficult to change.

This is not true.

There are theories

worse than this.

Some say that a person

will close down in the third year of his life.

All that isn't correct.

A person can change

at any moment.

The levels of difficulty

and ease are different.

We have seen many examples

of people of different ages

who have changed.

I am still changing my qualities.

and I am still talking to people and helping them, 

I am still changing things.

There are things that I have changed

and some that I didn't, but I am working on it. 

The work doesn't stop. 

It is a journey of life.

You have to work on yourself.

I am going back to the issue of haste and rushing.

Do you want to become

the best person in three weeks?

No.

Calmness is a program that

allows you to learn

the basic skills

that we call

knowing one's self.

What does it mean?

It means that you

understand yourself.

You don't have to deceive yourself.

You know your strengths and weaknesses.

Where are the good points

and where are the bad points.

and in that we call a stage

early self-awareness stage.

At times of crisis,

anxiety,

you direct yourself.

Early awareness.

There are many theories

about early awarness.

You realize

at an early stage

that you are angry

and anxious.

You specify the things you are angry about.

Then,

there is a very good skill

which is direct acquisition.

Now,

how do calm people

usually do it?

Let me imitate them.

I imitate them.

I imitate them until

I perfect it.

For example,

when a person holds a car,

he turns the steering wheel.

It is the same idea,

until he perfects it.

At the beginning,

he learns

how to balance

the negative reactions

with the positive ones.

Then, he puts instead of these

the characteristics of calmness.

Then, he learns

the patience of waiting.

He confronts the negative reactions

with calmness,

no tension,

no complaining,

and with patience,

he tolerates the negative reactions

until he calms down

and his calmness increases.

I have experienced this a lot in the clinic. 

God willing,

we intend to conduct research on it.

We are working on it

in the last years.

It is very important

to prove it with field research.

Some people say

that breathing is very important

during the crisis.

Is it true?

Breathing is argued upon,

even in western schools.

For example, the school I belong to

does not use breathing.

They do not use it.

You maintain your calmness

by maintaining breathing.

Some people say that breathing is useful.

It is true that when you breathe,

you feel lighter and better.

What we say is that

if you focus on breathing,

it becomes the biggest strategy for you.

This deprives you of self-building

You are always looking for fast solutions,

urgent solutions,

short-term solutions.

You do not work.

The solution is that you must

experience suffering

to be able to recover from it.

You must experience suffering

and experience it with

confrontation, stability,

patience, and endurance

to be able to recover from it.

If you always avoid suffering,

pain, breathing,

coffee, shower,

bath, and so on,

you have not given yourself

a chance to experience

suffering in a different way.

You should confront suffering.

Yes, confronting suffering.

By the way,

the majority of Western psychological theories

are directed in this direction.

The direction is that

this is the right way.

Even if it is a different version

with different methods

but there is a general direction

for the majority of Western psychological theories,

at least the new ones,

that avoiding suffering

is a problem.

The term avoidance, escape, withdrawal

is a well-known psychological term.

Where did it come from?

From this concept.

From this concept that

people

who solve their problems by avoiding

suffering

become like

using these fast pain killers.

Pain killers, 

but in the long run,

they avoid pain.

They avoid suffering.

They avoid

this negative feeling.

When they avoid it,

what happens?

In the long run,

they become weak.

What was our discussion before this?

We were talking about

the time of the crisis.

Yes, the time of anxiety.

Yes, the anxiety in the time of crisis.

There is an attention deficit in the time of the crisis.

When there is a crisis,

a person becomes more dreamy, wanders a lot,

not focused.

There are people,

even before or after the crisis,

you find them focused

and they work.

But there is a person who,

if there is a crisis,

he becomes distracted.

How can a person maintain his concentration?

One of the symptoms

of anxiety is a weak concentration.

A weak concentration.

I always tell patients and students

that in depression,

all the machines within you are off.

In anxiety,

all of them are on.

On the contrary.

Everything is on,

and you can't concentrate.

You need a manager to manage it.

You need a manager to manage it.

Let's go back to anxiety.

Anxiety is when a person wants

things to happen 100%

according to what he wants and what he loves.

But this is not the nature of life.

He learns

the issue of surrendering

to the necessities of this life.

Of course, there are things that won't happen

according to what you love.

If you understand this, why are you anxious?

Are you anxious because things happen according to what you don't love?

There are two things that will happen

according to what you don't love.

This understanding

makes you think

whether you are anxious or not.

There is a famous saying

that anxiety does not change the results.

Everytime when there is a saying  

but they don't know who said it, they say it's Chinese. 

I don't know who made this up.

There is a Chinese saying

that don't cross the bridge

before you reach it.

Arabs have a very nice saying.

They say that fear is

worse than the thing afraid of.

This fear

is worse than the thing your are afraid of. 

For example, you are afraid

that your child will get sick.

But you are 10 years old

and every time your child gets sick,

you are afraid that he will get sick

and die.

So, for you, fear is more difficult

to deal with than death.

Right?

Right.

Anxiety always has short-term strategies